*Middle Chapters

*every effort

*a pre-dinner princess

*flying colors

*Unfounded and Exceeded

*Good Morning

*you look like

*I've saved you a seat

*Somehow I misplaced the key

*Five Things (or does this look infected?)

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Friday, May 13, 2005

Cracked the 450 mark

It is a city of excess. Exorbitance is part of what I cherish about Vegas. You can get what you want, when you want and it will likely be the best you've had. Of course, if you order the $49 two-"strippers"-straight-to-your-room special expect to get what you procure - FREAK.

Every casino has a buffet. Each one is award winning.

Sidenote: You learn quickly that everything in Vegas has won an award ("The No
Stress, I Got Another One Review" - Voted Best Afternoon Topless Leper Variety
Show by the readers of One Armed Bandit Weekly).

I don't buffet.

I never get my money's worth. I am not a big eater so the All You Can Keep Down buffet is, for me, not fiscally sound.

My implicitly small appetite is even dinkier at a buffet because...

1. When I go out to eat I want to be served. I can get my ass out of the chair to peruse the fridge and pantry for grub at home and put the $19.99 towards plane tickets to NYC. If more and more buffets open where will all the actors find work?

2. Two words.... Warm Salad.

3. I prefer food that has not been picked through. The food left in the hot pan once you make it there has the same quality as the DVDs in the "Movies Under $10" bin at Walmart. I don't need a copy of Barb Wire for the house and I will never eat the chicken breast that was behind.

4. Food is my bitch. Dinner is made because I came and I ordered. My dinner does not exist until I command it so.

In the beginning Hofzinser felt hunger. And Hof said, "Let their be Dinner. Let the plate populate with fish, flesh, foul and greens, and let the chef combine it with might and panache". And there was dinner and Hof saw that it was good.

Food is made because I came. I do not come because the food is already made.

5. Large spoons for slopping food from metal bins floating in boiling water are regulated to cafeterias and prison mess halls. I left primary school long ago and The Fuzz is not smart to my little black market Koosh Ball knock-offs. Until I forget to read or you report me, large spoons are reserved for spanking.

The main reason I cannot eat at a buffet?

Nothing ruins my appetite like seeing Bubba, who just cracked the 450lbs mark, waddling back from the food runway with a plate in each hand and one balanced on his gut sporting egg rolls, alfredo sauce, green beens, tacos and various other chum.

Let us take a moment to review The Seven:

1. Pride: You rock and everyone else (The Others) do not. It is pride that ensures you excel at everything you try so The Others are reassured and secure in their runner-up status.

2. Greed: Because of great deeds born of your pride you are to aquire what you deserve. You are the best so you deserve everything, all of it, and that one too.

3. Envy: This is the one thing you can let The Others have. Without it, they have nothing. Your pride got you everything else.

4. Wrath: There are times when The Others get the silly conception they should have something. To have something they will need to take it from you - you have everything. Wrath is yours to give to them. It, like everything you do, reassures The Others and makes them secure in the saftey of their mediocrity.

5. Lust: You must have lust. Without it, you would never lower yourself to mix with The Others. Without it, you would never let The Others mistake your desire to BAG them with you being friendly.

6. Sloth: Without some degree of sloth you would always act on your lust. This would become excessive time spent with The Others and not enough time doing greatness, aquiring everything, dishing out wrath for their envy and being proud of it.

7. Gluttony is just fucking gross.

there are 3 doodles

At 3:25 PM, Blogger A* said...

That's why we never did buffet in Vegas! Hmmm, have to say I am happy we didn't. I hope I am not one of the 'Others' :)

At 8:47 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

I never viewed "the seven" in quite that way.

I liked how you found that vital connection between sloth and lust. The two sins, so long as they coexist, create a critical balance. Interesting. I bet Blog Ho could work this theory into his his new religious movement.

At 2:17 AM, Blogger VegasGustan said...

I don't buffet here either. Well, that is not entirely true. I have buffeted a total of four times in two years. I paid for one and the others were with Audra's family. The only good one I went to was at The Rio. The buffet costs 40 bucks, but it is really fresh and even has real steamed lobster and crab. I did not pay for it. You are right though, most if not all buffets are just wrong. I like the sins thing by the by.

Oh, and I'll post soon...I hope.

(Gone Fishin')


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