*The Youngest is all growns-ups

*Now she is in trouble

*Sometimes courage

*required to "confront"

*Latest Lines from Vegas

*its not about the tights

*Not up to it

*Think before you take

*For Doris

*The moment

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Five Things (or does this look infected?)

I am a BlogNoob and have received my first Blog Tag. A* over at 9th Circle hit me with this:

Name five things that people with whom you generally associate think are really annoying, but that you like.

If it was anyone but her I would not do this. Frankly, this Tag Shite (the "e" is for my UK reader STEVE) seems like nothing but a virtual case of chain-letter herpes. You get it, you suffer then pass it on to the ones you love and admire.

I am out of virtual Pennicilin so here we go:

1. Reaonably Sized Real Breasts

Now don't be mistaken, hofzinser is all about the boobies. I like to look at them, touch them, admire them, stare at them and, well, give me breasts. Finding my father's Playboy stash at age 10 insured I would forever be a fan of the orbs. Unlike my friends, not a fan of fake breasts. They seem so, um, fake. I've dated a few women with them and they look good under a shirt but the illusion crashes and burns as soon as they are exposed and the host lays down on her back. TELL YOUR BREASTS TO STOP STARING AT MY EYES. No anatomy should defy gravity.

Give me natural breasts (that is a request so if you have some, let me know). I love anything near or a bit more than a handfull. Any natural breasts under a D are ideal. Hell, for some body types, size A are perfect. When I touch them they should feel like breasts not jello-filled ziplocks.

2. Neil Diamond

I pride myself and receive accolades for my diverse and keen taste in music. My secret love will always be the maligned Neil. I love his songs, his voice and his persona. Favorite song: Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon. Embrace the Diamond, you will feel better about yourself. Bring crackers because he is the cheese.

3. Picking Whiskers

This is a nasty habit I picked up somewhere after my first shave. I believe when you take the time to shave with blades that cost more than a car payment you should have a clean face when you are done. No whisker should be left standing.

I will run my hand over my face while sitting at my computer and find a rebel whisker. He stands in defiance of the time and money spent shaving. I then obsessivly use my fingers to tweeze and pluck the bastard. It can take some time to yank the nonconformist and it drives anyone near me crazy. My face is a facist state, not a damned democracy. Resistance is futile!

The sickest part is the sense of acomplishment I feel when I finally extricate the hair from my face. I actually feel like I've done a great deed. Finding these stray whiskers is now a nervous habit of mine. I don't even realize that I am doing it until someone slaps my hand and yells, "Leave it THE FUCK alone!"

I then sneak away to a dark closet and lock the door and go back to my bizarre ritual.

4. Smoking

It is gross. It makes me smell bad, decreases my taste buds, makes my teeth not-so-white and, rumour has it, may be bad for my health. Despite all of these great reasons to toss the habit there will always be great cigarettes. Nothing matches a smoke after a good meal or great sex. A cigarette after a mediocre meal and decent sex is also wonderful.

I sort out the day to come with a cup of coffee and my morning cigarette. I solve all the problems of the world over a glass of scotch and a cigarette with friends.

Who's Smoking?

5. Over Analyzing

I cannot seem to take things as is. I must look at it from every angle, use the slightest clue as a pathway to understanding it all. I will put things in context, relate them to other things, poke it, prod it, ask it about its mother and its relationship with its father. I will take a step back and look at it from the side then lift its skirt and examine its naughty bits.

After all of the analysis is done, I will share my conclusions and found truths with anyone whether they asked for the results or not.

Now I am supposed to TAG someone else. I am putting a virtual condom on and stopping the insanity.

NOBODY'S "it", friends don't let friends BlogTag.

there are 10 doodles

At 10:58 AM, Blogger A* said...

Well apparently I should be bowing at the altar of Hof and thanking him for playing my little game. I guess I will have to thank him in Vegas...
Oh and that whole 'naughty bits' thing? He stole it from me!
Oh yes dear...you will pay.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

She said I stole her "whole naughty bits". It is right there, in black and white. They are mine. Done deal.

At 11:02 AM, Blogger A* said...

And apparently, Hof is 12 today.

At 11:02 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

But I turn 13 on Saturday... in Vegas!

At 11:22 AM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

OMG...You guys just use this blog as your own personal flirt-delivery device, don't you. It's sickening. Add that to the list!!

Having still not gotten over my on-line quiz habit, despite the best intentions of the slut rebellion to overcome this nasty addiction, I'm taking the tag and providing my list:

1)Disco: Love it. Dance to it. Know all the steps to the Hustle, the Electric Slide and enjoy making a total fool of myself whenever they play YMCA.
2) Over-thinking: Sorry to steal this one Hof, but I seriously share this problem. I can get really serious and analyze things to death. Drives people crazy.
3)Extreme loyalty: If I like a product, a band, a song, a person, I cannot be shaken. I am fiercely loyal and unbelievably passionate about stuff I like.
4)Excessive emailing: I email people, a lot, and messages are lengthy. (I type fast.)
5) Thrifty: I'm not tight - I'm actually fairly generous with my money. But I do shop around. I don't like to every pay more than I have to. Can't understand why people would pay too much when it's so easy to compare costs on-line. People call me cheap.

BTW: Those of us less-endowed than the hostess down at Hooters appreciate your response #1. Thanks!

At 12:24 PM, Blogger A* said...

WW- You know what's worse? We were on the phone and posting.
Yeah we are unbelievably sickening. We know. We talk about it. We can't stop.
And hey- post the tag on your blog too!! That way you can tag others since Hof here is being all uppity about it.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

a* Post a tag? You're talking to someone who doesn't speak computer. I'm so NOT high-tech, it isn't funny. I bulleted today's post because it was the only way I could get hard returns in between the entries. I kept getting lost in the HTML. I'm tremendously inept. Please don't tell anyone. That's just between you and me.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger A* said...

Oh WW. Trust me I am completely tech-illiterate (much to Hof's amusement). What I meant was on your blog pose the question, say where you got it from and then answer (which will be relatively easy since you can just copy and paste). And then at the end choose 3 people to keep the virus, uh, Blog Tag. Exactly like Hof and I did it.
Make sense??

At 3:38 PM, Blogger Steve said...

Grr, I hate anything that has even the slightest wiff of chain letter, you evil, evil people. Good on Hof for ceasing the insanity. ;-)

By the way, I'm humbled that you added the "e" to "shit" just for me. Jolly good of you, old bean.

Funnily enough, I'm also a bit obsessive when it comes to shaving. I have been known to grow a goatee beard when the mood takes me.

This then starts a whole new world of facial hair obsessions, such as ensuring that no stray hair disturbs the contours of the thing. It gets boring after a while, so I usually end up just shaving it off again. Heh.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

Steve, your boredom makes you normal. My obsession books me a nice safe rubber room all to myself.


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