She was not sure if he was home yet. Closing the front door, she looked around the livingroom and kitchen. No sign of her beloved.
"He's been here", she thought approaching the stairs. The sock ball on the fourth step began the trail. The eighth step hosted his tie. The brand new Oxford she bought him for his birthday graced the landing. She opened the door to witness the carnage.
Pants, boxers and wife-beater cover the floor and confirms his presence long before she notices him curled up in the bed lost in a nap.
This is the third installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.
WordWhiz asked: Why do men insist on dropping their dirty clothes wherever they take them off?
As with most things pertaining to men, the explanation is shockingly simple yet universal.We are able to juggle many things at once. We juggle tasks at work, friends at the pub, games on both ESPN and ESPN2 (without missing a play). Some men even juggle women. This esoteric circus skill makes it appear we can also focus on several items at once. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
As we juggle we flip our attention and focus as each item falls into our hand. We then switch focus before the next item lands. Catch, focus, throw, catch, focus, throw, etc. Notice at no point are we focused on two things at once.
How do men juggle women without a single victim having any idea they are not the only one in the game? There are men maintaining seperate families with their own unique homes, sets of rugrats and circles of friends. When the man is with wife Alpha, she has his complete attention, his complete focus. Not only does she know not of wife Beta, wife Beta is not his mind either. He cannot betray his betrayal because even he, at that moment, is monogamous. She is the only woman in his life.
Of course, once he kisses her goodnight and hops into the car, wife Alpha is wiped from his mind and all focus turns to wife Beta. By the time he gets to her, she is the only one in his life. Wife Alpha is no more real than Britney's hymen. The dirty clothes are a side effect of this singular focus.
When your man comes home from work the first thing he wants to do is get out of his uniform. Work consumes us and we need to shed the trappings of our vocation as soon as possible. When we get upstairs and start removing our monkey suits we are not thinking about where the laundry bin is. We are thinking about the TPS reports and if we remembered to include the cover sheet. FOCUS CHANGE: now we are thinking about what we want for dinner. FOCUS CHANGE: now we are thinking about the spread on the Eagles game. FOCUS CHANGE: a random shot of the barista who made ourcoffee this morning....naked.
If you are having any trouble comprehending this... watch the TV when we have the remote control - it is the personification of how our brain works (flip flip flip).
Of course, we crank through every thought while we thoughtlessly shed our threads. Gravity controls where they end up.
Solutions: There are only two possible choices for the women in our lives - Acceptance or Training.
Acceptance is for you women out there who realize their men are not perfect AND don't have the psychotic notion that they can make them so. If you choose Acceptance then when you get upstairs take a few moments to pick up the garments and toss them in the laundry basket. Laugh at yourself and thank God you can think about more than one thing at a time. Once the duds are in their proper place, find your man and give him a kiss on the cheek. Mention NOT your great act of kindness.
Training is the other option. This is for you ladies that cannot accept the first option. Choosing Training means you understand you can only train a man to do four new things - period (ever, I mean it). Be careful what four things you choose.
How important is this clothes issue? More important than him peeing in the shower, calling when he will be home late, toothbrush in the holder, farting in bed, foreplay? Get the idea?
Let's assume you burn up one of your four slots on the dirty clothes matter. There is only one way to train your man. Punishment/bitching/naggins does not work. You will only train him with praise and reward. When we come home follow us upstairs. Guide our hand, with the slacks, to the basket. Once we drop the pants in, reward us.
The greater the reward, the sooner we are trained. Never forget you always have the most powerful reward at your disposal. If you ever want anything to happen more than once you only need to give us head the first time we do it. You can bet we will do it again and again from that moment forward.
Yes, we are that simple.
If you would like your "Why do Men...?" question answered in a future post be sure to leave your question as a comment HERE.