*Five Things (or does this look infected?)

*The Youngest is all growns-ups

*Now she is in trouble

*Sometimes courage

*required to "confront"

*Latest Lines from Vegas

*its not about the tights

*Not up to it

*Think before you take

*For Doris

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Somehow I misplaced the key

If you missed this post you may want to read it first.

What you are about to read will show you not only am I everything describe in that post... I am also, likely, a mental patient.

For most of my life I've kept a secret special room in my mind. It is a simple room with a series of shelves that occupy one wall. Everytime I see something and think, "My wife will be like that" or "My relationship with my wife will be like that" or even "When she is in my life, I will be capable of that" I unlock the room and put that element in a small jar and put it on a shelf.

Over the years I've collected an impressive amount of jars. Each contains a trait that I believe my future partner and I will have. These elements have come from many, many sources. Let me offer a quick two-cent tour because it would take a lifetime to show you everything and, frankly, only one person will ever get the full tour.

This shelf is dedicated to things I've seen first hand around me....

The adoration my father had (and still has) for my mother who died almost a decade ago. She was his everything. She taught him to love. Before her, my father only knew abuse, mental sickness and apathy. She was his yang and balanced him, gave him purpose.

The adoration my mother had for my father. He was her lover, her best friend, her knight, her bruised little boy. He was her hero, the smartest person in the world, the sexiest man alive, the kindest soul on earth and the one person that she could always count on.

The adoration my parents have for their childred. We are the proof of their love, the manifistation of their bond. We are each parts of them combined like a greatest hits album. We all hold their personalities and passions. We are the most important thing in their reality second only to the importance they are to each other.

There are many, many other jars but come over here to another shelf. It has things that I've stolen from fiction. Movies, stories, books, music and poetry.

The look in Ingrid Bergman's eyes when she realized she loved Humphry Bogart enough to leave everything and stay in Casablanca.

The look in Bogart's eyes when he realized he loved her enough to make her get on the plane.

The love-laced witty passionate exchanges of Bacall/Bogart (in To Have and Have Not), Tracey/Hepburn (in Adam's Rib), Ford/Allen (in Raiders of the Lost Ark), Ford/Fisher (in Empire Strikes Back), Crystal/Ryan (in When Harry Met Sally). I love how each of them kept the other in check while loving them more than themselves.

The passion of Cyrano De Bergerac for Roxane. He loved her imperfection as much as her perfection and at the end of the book would rather die an imaginary hero than be suffer a moment more without her love.

The words of Lennon and McCartney. In the decades they wrote songs (both together and apart) they captured every aspect of love. The best and hard parts that are love. "Something in the way she knows, And all I have to do is think of her, Something in the things she shows me."

That should give you an idea of what is in this room. There are many more jars and many more shelves.

Do you have an idea how crazy it is that this room even exits? Do you think that it is the answer to the question, "Why are you still single?" Being an optimist is one thing, being a romantic is one thing, being a completely unrealistic visionary who creates a relationship with someone he has not (and may never) meet is something completely different.

Yet the room exists and I add more jars to the shelves on a regular basis.

I am frantic. Somehow I misplaced the key. Somehow someone found it and unlocked the door without me realizing it.

I turn around and find her walking into the room. I run and stop outside the door and listen to her as she looks around.

Do you know what I think I just heard her say?

"Wow, I knew I left this stuff somewhere..."

there are 10 doodles

At 7:30 PM, Blogger dopeybugs said...

I read your blog daily, as well as A*s. In fact, I found her's first. Somehow, I stumbled along yours sometime later. I figured out that you two were talking about each other before she 'outed' herself.
What you guys seem to have, just in the way you type about each other, is amazing. I have hesitated to comment, because I don't get all wrapped up in this stuff (well, other people's stuff). But you are an phenomenal writer. And this post was way too extraordinary not to comment.
I don't think you're even near becoming a mental patient.
I think you need to teach a class for men...

At 9:25 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...


That is about all I can muster

You've made my month with your kind words. I cannot explain how much what you said means to me.

Thanks for taking the time when you could of just remained a lurker...

At 9:28 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

I hope a* realizes how lucky she is. I'm sure she does. I can tell. What a romantic you are! Love your blog!!

At 11:52 PM, Blogger dopeybugs said...

I'm not wanting to assume here...but...in case you're talking to me...

I remain a lurker until I deem it necessary to put my two cents in. Few bogs/posts are worthy of a comment. And I have come close several times with a few of your posts, but this one could not just be 'lurked' upon...

A* is a very lucky woman.

At 12:20 AM, Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8:29 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

wordwhiz, I am honored by your praise!

dopeybugs, in the match of A* and hofzinser it is I who wins the lucky badge. Thanks again for taking the time!

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Roy said...

I am almost hesitant to post after the glowing words others have shared here.

I also grew up with parents that absolutely adored each other. The three children they raised were not of their creation. In all the time that I was with them, (16 years - my dad died when I was 18) I never once heard them speak or act in anything but love for each other and their children.

I saw, and accepted as normal, that what they presented publicly was the very same that I saw in the confines of our home.

It is hard to live up to that ideal made real. As an Adult I learned that people often are not the same in public and at home.

There are several reasons why I am still, at 58, single. One certainly is the fact that I want to be part of a mutual adoration that afforded an abandoned, abused, very neurotic, little boy the chance to see and feel love, unquestioning love, for at least an all to brief part of my life.

I have followed your posts on "all that porn is not going to watch itself". I finally came on over for a visit and am glad I did.

At 7:00 PM, Blogger A* said...

V. V. Lucky. Unbelievably, undoubtedly, staggeringly, drunkenly fucking LUCKY.

At 10:12 PM, Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

that was so beautiful.

At 1:00 AM, Blogger allison said...

[RC] Crazy? Naw.

I am wearing my key on a chain around my neck in the hopes that someday I will find someone to give it to.


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