If you missed this post you may want to read it first.
What you are about to read will show you not only am I everything describe in that post... I am also, likely, a mental patient.
For most of my life I've kept a secret special room in my mind. It is a simple room with a series of shelves that occupy one wall. Everytime I see something and think, "My wife will be like that" or "My relationship with my wife will be like that" or even "When she is in my life, I will be capable of that" I unlock the room and put that element in a small jar and put it on a shelf.
Over the years I've collected an impressive amount of jars. Each contains a trait that I believe my future partner and I will have. These elements have come from many, many sources. Let me offer a quick two-cent tour because it would take a lifetime to show you everything and, frankly, only one person will ever get the full tour.
This shelf is dedicated to things I've seen first hand around me....
The adoration my father had (and still has) for my mother who died almost a decade ago. She was his everything. She taught him to love. Before her, my father only knew abuse, mental sickness and apathy. She was his yang and balanced him, gave him purpose.
The adoration my mother had for my father. He was her lover, her best friend, her knight, her bruised little boy. He was her hero, the smartest person in the world, the sexiest man alive, the kindest soul on earth and the one person that she could always count on.
The adoration my parents have for their childred. We are the proof of their love, the manifistation of their bond. We are each parts of them combined like a greatest hits album. We all hold their personalities and passions. We are the most important thing in their reality second only to the importance they are to each other.
There are many, many other jars but come over here to another shelf. It has things that I've stolen from fiction. Movies, stories, books, music and poetry.
The look in Ingrid Bergman's eyes when she realized she loved Humphry Bogart enough to leave everything and stay in Casablanca.
The look in Bogart's eyes when he realized he loved her enough to make her get on the plane.
The love-laced witty passionate exchanges of Bacall/Bogart (in To Have and Have Not), Tracey/Hepburn (in Adam's Rib), Ford/Allen (in Raiders of the Lost Ark), Ford/Fisher (in Empire Strikes Back), Crystal/Ryan (in When Harry Met Sally). I love how each of them kept the other in check while loving them more than themselves.
The passion of Cyrano De Bergerac for Roxane. He loved her imperfection as much as her perfection and at the end of the book would rather die an imaginary hero than be suffer a moment more without her love.
The words of Lennon and McCartney. In the decades they wrote songs (both together and apart) they captured every aspect of love. The best and hard parts that are love. "Something in the way she knows, And all I have to do is think of her, Something in the things she shows me."
That should give you an idea of what is in this room. There are many more jars and many more shelves.
Do you have an idea how crazy it is that this room even exits? Do you think that it is the answer to the question, "Why are you still single?" Being an optimist is one thing, being a romantic is one thing, being a completely unrealistic visionary who creates a relationship with someone he has not (and may never) meet is something completely different.
Yet the room exists and I add more jars to the shelves on a regular basis.
I am frantic. Somehow I misplaced the key. Somehow someone found it and unlocked the door without me realizing it.
I turn around and find her walking into the room. I run and stop outside the door and listen to her as she looks around.
Do you know what I think I just heard her say?
"Wow, I knew I left this stuff somewhere..."