"Jimmy, I'll take one more"
The bartender puts the freshly poured draft down in front of him. Jimmy is still in shock over what his favorite regular just told him.
"Did she really say that to you, David?"
"That's why I will never get married...", declares Jimmy as he starts to wash David's old glass.
"Funny thing is, Jimmy, I knew she was a bitch before I married her."
"But you married her anyway?"
"Couldn't wait to put the ring on her finger..."
"Jesus, that's fuckin' scary"
This is the fourth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.
WordWhiz asked: Why do men constantly fall for bitchy, high-maintenance women, and then complain about what a pain in the ass they are?
Men are very adept at mistaking one thing for another. For example, if you are polite or nice to a man he will conclude you want to sleep with him. We men assume if you are not rude to us you secretly want to ride us. Are you nice to the teenage bagboy who takes your groceries to the car? If so, I guarentee he has several scenerios involving you in his master rolodex and you've been a movie star a few times in his shower.
Women are very adept at mistaking one thing for another too ("I can tell he really cares"), but this column is about men, women are A*s department.
99% of the time, men prefer a relationship that requires a minimum amount of effort. We spend all day at the office trying to out maneuver the competition, power lunch with the client and get the right color and fonts on our business cards (bone, eggshell or off-white). After work we may stop by the bar for a beer with a buddy. There we work even harder trying to one-up his ass and prove:
a. we've slept with more women than him
b. these women were all prettier than any he's slept with
c. we slept with most of the women he slept with. Any we did not were passed up by choice (we have standards, you know)
d. our favorite football team will make the playoffs and his will fall apart around week eight.
e. we've had a threesome (usually in college or a foreign country - always undocumented)
f. his sister tried to sleep with us
g. the first thing his lost love did after she broke his heart was try and sleep with us (if he is not in communication with the ex we will tell him we slept with her. If we actually slept with her we will deny it....)
I could go on and on. Bottom line; beers with the buddy takes a considerable amount of effort. Most of our fathers gave the impression they were on autopilot for most of their marriages. We witnessed our mothers running around keeping the family together while our Pops only made sure the morning paper got read and our ass spanked if we sassed Mom.
We think our relationships with women should take as little effort as possible. Here comes the mistake....
We meet a bitchy, controlling, high-maintenance (BCHMs) women and mistake her for a smart and independent gal who will run the relationship for us. We think, "Perfect! I only need to show up now, she will run it from there..." We think we can put 50% into the relationship because, obviously, she will be putting in 150%.
What we don't realize is she is slowly grinding down any pride and self-esteem we have. It is a slow process... one by one we choose to surrender on issues to avoid "discussing" them. "Honey, I think we should rent Dirty Dancing and You've Got Mail tonight"... "Sure, babe, whatever you want".
We learn quickly that the battle that comes from less than full compliance is much worse than complying. Quickly we become the drones that the BCHMs love so much. "Whatever" is the most common word in our vocabulary (unless we change it up with a "Sure" to be nutty). The grind is so subtle that we don't even realize its happening. We think we are in the perfect relationship... no effort. She makes all of the decisions, she decides on the restaurants, coordinates the social calendar and makes us play-dates with her friends' men. We only need to show up - our favorite thing!
After it is too late we see we are, in fact, trapped. We feel the chafing of the collar and leash too late. You would think at that exact moment we would stand up and run... but the grind destroyed our will a long time before that... we got what we asked for (no effort). We hate ourselves as much as we hate the situation but all less than we hate her. Our ONLY outlet is to bitch about the bitch to any poor soul that will listen.
Why don't we change our situation and get out of the relationship? Come on, that would take effort and we don't mix effort with relationships. It would also entail us admitting we were wrong and there will be none of THAT.
If you would like your "Why do Men...?" question answered in a future post be sure to leave your question as a comment HERE.