*Cracked the 450 mark

*Middle Chapters

*every effort

*a pre-dinner princess

*flying colors

*Unfounded and Exceeded

*Good Morning

*you look like

*I've saved you a seat

*Somehow I misplaced the key


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Why Do Men....

Your lovable Uncle Hofzinser is opening the floor to you, his loyal readers.

All the secrets shall be revealed and nothing is shall be hidden. Smoke cleared, mirrors broken, wizard pushed out from behind the curtain. I will explain it all.

In the comment section of this post please ask me a question. It MUST start with:

"Why do Men..."

I will answer each question as a post here, in your favorite place.... and your favorite BLOG.

This is a rare opportunity for you ladies to get the real skinny. Think before you ask!
This is a rare opportunity for you gentlemen to understand yourselves better. Think before you ask!

I am MAN and I am KNOWING. Comment away and you shall KNOW as well.

(if you have not figured it out yet, I cannot come up with something to blog about today and I am desperate for some ideas. HELP!)

there are 38 doodles

At 10:14 AM, Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

Why do Men...

damn! all of a sudden, every man question i could possible have is eluding me.

maybe it is too early for my brain. i will come back later.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

I hope I'm not limited to one question, because I find men a complete mystery!! I have TONS of questions! (Thank you, Uncle Hof! This was a great idea.)

Give me a while to think about this. I certainly don't want to waste this GOLDEN opportunity. I'll be back with my LONG LIST this evening. I hope you're prepared to do a LOT of typing!

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Hi, found my way here through VegasGustan's blog. I saw this and had to participate.

WHY DO MEN...never do the housework we ask you to do when we are gone? I leave my husband just one thing to do when I leave the house (we work different shifts), and when I get home, nothing has been done.

It can be one big thing (i.e. cleaning the bathrooms) to a simple thing (i.e. the dishwasher has soap and is all loaded and all you need to do is turn it on)and it won't be done. Why?

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger Miss Tasha said...

alright heres one for you...


why do men get all upset when the girl doenst get off before the guy? sure it doesnt happen very often, but i must admit even though the girl doesnt get off, it's not like it doesnt feel good during the event. just spending quality time in the guys arms with kissing on the neck is perfectly okay with me.

so?

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Here is my FIRST set of questions. More to follow:

Why do men...
- insist on dropping their dirty clothes wherever they take them off?
- constantly fall for bitchy, high-maintenance women, and then complain about what a pain in the ass they are? (HELLO?)
- fail to understand that it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to call the next day - especially if sex was involved?
- never want to LISTEN...they just want to tell you what you "NEED" to do?
- understand that it's not all about the size of his... uh... muscles?
- realize that a sincere compliment or a sappy card will earn him far more brownie points than a $50 bouquet of flowers?

More later...

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Sorry...just read my list over and realized I neglected to put some of these into the negative form. You'll figure it out. :-)
(Why don't women proof-read before hitting "PUBLISH"?)

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

I'm back. Sorry for monopolizing your blog, but I'm sure you're not suprised. Was this post for me??

Why do men:
- always say what they think they should or think you want to hear, and not what they really think/feel. (What the hell do you REALLY want??)
- treat us like royalty when they're trying to get us, then treat us like on old piece of furniture once we're interested? Do you lose interest once the competition is won?
--and along those line--
- fail to remember how much GRATITUDE we showed in return for this special treatment? You want something from us? Think about it.
- have an issue with asking, "PLEASE" when they need a favor. My ex would say, "You need to..." or better yet, "WE need to..." when what he meant was, "Would you do..." He said asking was...get this...RUDE! It's less rude to order me?? HUH??

Oops...I've slipped into personal gripes. I'll stop here...until later, perhaps.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

*salivates over the material for blogging*

Keep it coming.. you will give me enough material to post for YEARS!

You can expect the first tomorrow morning!

(you kids are so crazy)

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

OH, OH, OH!! I can't believe I nearly left this one out! This is my #1 question!

Why do men lose interest in making out, once the relationship has moved into more intimate territories? It's like kissing becomes some annoying and unnecessary foreplay. HINT GUYS: Women LIKE kissing. We like it a lot!

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger A* said...

My coworker wants to know...

Why do men cheat?

No Hof I know you wouldn't cheat on me...because I would kill you. Then rip her face off...

Hee. I'm EEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIL.

 
At 6:16 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Cologne...why do guys only care about how they smell for the first couple weeks of the relationship?

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

And what's with the committment thing? I don't mean marriage. Even just agreeing to be exclusive? What's up with that?? I have been known to ASSUME that a relationship had become exclusive...assume INCORRECTLY.

Okay, Hof. I think I'm done. Maybe someone else has a few I forgot about.

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Miss Tasha said...

wordwhiz.. i wonder the same thing about the colonge. i keep a bottle of mens smell good shit on my dresser when M comes over so i can spray him

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Okay, a few more before I go to sleep tonight. I can't for the life of me understand why you're not getting more feedback here. This as an awesome idea. Oh well...I guess I'll just carry the burden for women in general.

Why do men:
- think we want to know about their past conquests??
- ask about our past conquests?? You don't really want to know; you just want us to say, "What past conquests???" Girls - how many times have you been asked to give a number? Are you honest? Do you embellish to sound like an expert or fail to count those unfortunate one-night-stands for fear of sounding slutty?
- refuse to talk about their feelings? What are we, mind readers?
- fall asleep so quicky afterward?
- jack us around? (You're hot for us one day, indifferent the next, call several times one day, then don't call for a week.) Are you TRYING to drive us crazy? Is it a TEST??

Okay, I've begun stretching for material here. I'm spent. That's all I've got. You're on your own now, Hof. Post a good response!

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger a chick said...

Why do men get freaked out when they start liking a girl too much?!

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

...or when we start liking them too much?

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

Wordwiz - you are the best. I should have the first post up today/tonight.

sandra - you coming back?

miss T, paige, chick - thanks for your questions. Uncle Hof will answer each and every one of them!

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

i know i've got questions, but my brain has stopped functioning. i'm too filled with thoughts of mr. u to think straight.

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger You Can't Afford Me said...

actually, i was reading word whiz's questions, and i too want to know the answer to her question of:

Why Do Men:

"- jack us around? (You're hot for us one day, indifferent the next, call several times one day, then don't call for a week.) Are you TRYING to drive us crazy? Is it a TEST??"

though i have a twist to add to the question.

Why Do Men:

think that they can act like the above, and then expect us to stay around for more. i take it as a 'hint' to go away. is it not?

 
At 11:00 PM, Blogger MooCow said...

Why do men...

's fancy pants come with multiple buttons? I mean my jeans only need one button. So why when I'm wearing fancy pants do I need two or sometimes three buttons around the waist? Is it only because fat dudes wear nice pants?

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Kira said...

Why are men so facinated with bodily functions? I'm not talking about sex, either. I'm talking about passing gas, belching, and how big the turd is that they just put in the bathroom. And the hard, cold fact that it has to be announced, relished, and appreciated. "OH HONEY, you just GOTTA see this one! It's TREMENDOUS!" Brrrr...

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger A* said...

Why Do Men feel the need to "fix" shit for everyone but mostly women?

"We have to get you this..."
"You should do this..."
"I don't like this, let me take care of that for you..."

Yeah hi, I could give a shit if YOU don't like it and maybe it doesn't HAVE to be fixed b/c I LIKE it that way. You can answer this in tandem with WW's "tell us what we NEED to do question" if you want.

XOXO

 
At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do men...

...get so insistant about going down on me, when I think it's weird? Aren't other things better anyway?

...care what I do with other guys if he's the one I'm coming home to anyway?

...pull out the "typical" female stops with me instead of the more accurate "me" stops? I HATE flowers and cuddling...they'd save time and money if they knew that.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

I came here to post another question, but while I'm here I'd sure like to find out where Anonymous is finding the guys she's rejecting.

They are INSISTANT about providing oral sex??? They WANT to cuddle??

Damn...I need to start taking the outcasts of other women!!

Okay, why do guys dump women by avoiding them like they were carrying a deadly disease? Why can't they just be honest? I'd much rather get the truth than be sitting by the phone or checking my email every 30 minutes. Be a man!! Give it to me straight.

 
At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...or they really don't want to cuddle, but suggest it because they think it's what I want, when in fact it isn't - hence the posing of the question.

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Kira said...

Wow! I think I can answer that one! It's because most women WANT oral sex and cuddling. So maybe your question should be directed more towards, "Why do men try and do the 'stock' actions that they think will please a woman rather than get to KNOW the woman and what that particular woman wants?" That way you can cover women who don't like chocolate (gasp!) yet receive chocolates, or women (like my sister...) who don't LIKE getting flowers and yet get them even when they have mentioned they prefer X,Y, or Z as signs of affection instead.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Ok, Hof, you asked, and here I am with some Why do men questions. Except these are "Why do some men" or "Why do so many straight men" questions. They're not universal.

Why do (mostly younger) men badmouth women who have sex a lot and like it? You'd think this would be a good thing. Watching older men desperately try to get some action, I can only think they've scared all the women with a sex drive away and ended up married to women who really don't want to have sex that much, so they got what they wanted.

Why does motherhood seem to desexualize women for their (male)mates? I mean, I figure, being in the delivery room and watching her pass a watermelon shaped object that really looks like an internal organ isn't the sexiest thing ever, but there is a rather direct link: sex -- fertilization of ovum by sperm -- pregnancy -- birth --offspring with the frequent result that the mother of said offspring is one's lifetime mate.

Why do men seem uninterested until a woman has several other prospects she has begun to like?

Why do (most) men seem to think techniques, courtships, etc. are a one size fits all kind of thing? There isn't a rule book you morons! We don't all like to be touched the same way. I don't like mushy cards, but someone posting above does. I like single malt scotch, but someone else might just think you're trying to get her drunk.

Why do men talk over women so much?

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Why do men ease up on all the charming of a woman, after a few months or sex, which ever comes first?

i.e. there's an abundance of phone calls, door opening, paying for meals, compliments, affection, etc.... within the first few months of courting. Then BLAM, it's gone.

Why not just be yourselves in the beginning so that we don't have this abundance of charm and then it stops which makes us insecure, thinking you're no longer interested!!?!

I've talked to women of all sorts, every. single. one. complains about this!

Thank you.

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Oops! I just saw #10. :) See, other women DO have this problem! :)

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

a chick asked in another post:

i have a "why do men?" question for you that no guy seems to be able to give me a straight answer to, and i figured you would...why do guys like to cum on their girl? is it some power thing or what?

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Why do men run hot and cold towards their girlfriends/wives?

Damn them!

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Why do men, ACT like they are all into you, (staring into your eyes, tell you they care, give you lots affection, tell you wonderful compliments, how wonderful you are, etc) but they say they just want to date?

Oh screw that question (unless you really want to answer it, but I'm sure the answer is "sex").....

Why don't men want a relationship!?!

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger Amber said...

Why do men ...
pick one thing out of the entire paragraph you've said, one little thing that has no realtion to the point you're trying to make, and start arguing about it?

Why do men...
think it's a compliment to tell you you are scary/weird/strange?

Why do men ...
(okay only some men) Think it's ok to physically intimitdate women during a fight? Is there a rule that as long as you don't hit her, but if you back her into a corner, throw things at, around her, hit the walls, funiture, cupbaords next to her etc is ok?

Why do me ...
Insist on telling women what they think is sexy about other women, during any kind of conversation?

Why do men ...
Think it's ok to tell someone that they'd be so much more attractive if they lost weight/were taller/blonder/shorter/bustier/more aggressive etc ?

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Amber said...

Why do men...
think telling you they have a girlfriend/wife, but are really into you and no one has to know, will work as a pick up line?

Why do men ...
Get so surprised that there are women out there that know themselves well and are good in bed that aren't like size 0 models?

Why do men ...
act like someone they aren't while dating you, then once the relationship is set become someone elee (a/k/a themselves) and resent that you want the guy you were dating back?

Why do men ...
think asking women what's wrong and then not listening is a good idea?

Why do men ...
say that men and women can't be friends because the man always wants to sleep with you or your friends?

Why do men ...
compare you to their mothers? (Once that phrase "that's not how my mother does it" comes out of his mouth he's a mama's boy of the worst sort and to be avoided, IMHO.)

Why do men ...
think that rubbing their stubbly face against yours, after you tell them it hurts and you've got the red marks to prove it, and think it's cute?

Why do men ...
think that it's ok to complain about doing anything after working hard all week, but think you shouldn't complain when you have the same job/hours or work harder than they do?

Why do men ...
say they want girls to be agressive but get all squirrley when an aggressive woman does approach them?

why do men ...
call you names if you're honest up front and tell them you don't want to dance/a
drink/to go home with them?

gee you may have started something bad here :)

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger Amber said...

and just one more, then I'll go away ok?

Why do men ...
pee on the bathroom carpet and think you won't notice? Then when you step in it act all surprised like they didn't do it, it had to be someone else?

As promised I'll go away now?

 
At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Christina said...

Inspired after a 2000 mile road trip with the beau...

Why do men get all weird when it comes to driving, cars, and most specifically, driving their car?

 
At 1:25 AM, Blogger allison said...

Why do men...

...say they like healthy, normal-size women (and natural breasts, etc.), but then ogle the supermodels and pixies?

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger Autumn said...

Looks like you have your hands full with Amber (damn girl!) but here's another...

WHY DO MEN...
Have Playboy type girls all over their icons, desktop, screensavers, in the bathroom, on the walls, etc.. etc.. ?

And don't give me that "we're visual creatures" bullshit line they all have been trying to BRAINWASH us into thinking is true!!?!?

So why the need to see these nakes or posing women all over the place?

 

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