Carmen Elecktra, the day after her marriage to Dennis Rodman, leaves their Vegas suite to do some shopping. She tells him she will be gone all day but comes home early to see if he wants to get some lunch.
She walks in the door of the suite to find her husband for 22 hours lying in bed with another woman.
"Who is that girl!?!", she shrieks as she enters.
Shrugging his shoulders, he replies, "What girl?"
This is the twelfth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.
A coworker of A*'s asked: Why do men cheat?
To put it simply, he cheats because you've gotten fat and she is better in bed than you.
OK, I just couldn't resist... we now return you to the regularly scheduled real answer:
There are no shortages on theories of why men stray (foilwoman gave a great list on one of my comments):
1) My wife/girlfriend and I no longer have satisfying sex, it used to be satisfying, but it no longer is.
This is an excuse men will use for cheating but it is not WHY they cheat.
(2) My wife/girlfriend and I don't have enough sex, when we have it it's fine, but once a month, sorry, no thank you.
This is another excuse but it's not WHY.
(3) My wife/girlfriend isn't adventurous sexually and I want to play,.
(4) My wife/girlfriend has some medical condition that limits or prohibits sex.
Hmmm... this could be a WHY but is such a rare case.
(5) my wife/girlfriendrefuses me or withholds sex as punishment.
(6) My wife/girlfriendhas become unattractive.
This is is getting closer but not close enought to WHY.
(7) We NEVER have sex anymore.
This is a symptom of why but not WHY.
(8) I want some variety in my life.
See #7 above
(9) Our marriage/relationship is falling apart, I'm really scouting for a replacement.
Getting closer, but not quite the WHY.
(10) Hey, I'm a guy, I like to fool around -- one woman for the next 40 years? Are you crazy?
Most of the excuses above point the finger at the partner. She's not this. She doesn't do this (anymore or ever). Blah, blah, blah. Many men will offer one of the above excuses AND think it is why they are straying. It's not. Each of the above reasons fail to address the center issue. The core motivator that puts them in the bed of another. Each of the above creates the feeling that someone else is making them cheat.
As with everything in our lives, nobody "makes" us do anything. No one forces our hand. Men stray for one central reason....
We don't feel attractive or desired in our current relationship.
Yes, folks, this is why we men stray. We are, in our heart, insecure little boys that want to feel potent and desired. Men are just like women in that we love nothing more than to feel sexy, irresistable and desired. We want to feel attractive.
When we are in a relationship for any amount of time and things become routine we often begin to wonder, "can I still attract women?" It is a natural question born of everyone's insecurities. Chris Rock jokes that "men are only as faithful as their opportunities". There is some truth to this. When men are in an established relationship and encounter another woman who shows interest it can be an ego boost. What he does with this new interest depends on him. If he is secure with himself and his current relationship, the new interest will be just taken as a compliment. If he is insecure about his potency then he may test it in new waters. A new woman can make a man feel young, attractive and sexy.
Solution: There is only so much you can do. Ultimately it comes down to the man's self image. If he has a low self image you are in trouble. He will likely stray. If he has a high self image and is secure about his looks and attractiveness, then you can help be reinforcing this. Make a constant effort to make you man feel captivating, charming, alluring and irresistible. Tell him how handsome he is. Initiate sex and be affectionate. When you stop showing interest in sex and reduce how affectionate you are, you play into his self doubt and insecurity. You are priming the field for another woman to come in and make him feel desirable.
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" refers to those men who are insecure and need to feel attractive to as many women as possible. They cheat once and will do it again to try and feed the bottomless appetite of their insecurities. If you are with a man who is confident and centered, you can help him by reinforcing this feeling with your attention.
If you would like your "Why do Men...?" question answered in a future post be sure to leave your question as a comment HERE.