[What are you looking at? Yea, you.
Don't look around like you don't know who I'm talking to. HEY! Look, we need to talk. I hate to be the one to tell you this but your so-called friends only whisper about it when you are not around... I, HofSnark, talk not behind your back. I, HofSnark speaketh straight at you. ANYWAY, you are starting to get really heavy. I'm not kidding; your jeans are not shrinking in the dryer. You are getting fat. Don't shoot the messenger, I only call it as I see it. Quit stuffing your face and lose the saddlebags. Cow. Are you wondering who this little message was for? I said I was talking to you. This is not code for someone else. You... YOU. Cow. Super Heifer, stop eating so much.... you were never that good looking. Now you are fat and ugly. Yep.... I am still talking to you. Someday you'll thank me. If you need someone to jam their finger down your throat after dinner, I'm on call.
HofSnark here trying, against all odds, to save this blister on the skin of bloggerton. Hofzinser is starting to get sappy again and I can't stomach much more of it. So, loser (still talking to you), here is a post that is actually worth reading....
There are those of you that misspell on your blog. A misplaced "e" before an "i" or a straight-up typo is something even I can tolerate. Some of you misspell in your posts with vengeance. You sound like an seventh grade teacher from West Virginia. Some think you misspell because you're stupid. Granted, you probably are stupid, but that's not why you misspell. You misspell because, deep down inside, you hate your readers. You hate them and refuse to take the time to spell check your shit. Well, I hate you too so we're Kosher.
I was tooling around blogsphere this morning and found a blog, which at first glance, appears to be in a different language. Then, at closer inspection, I realized it is supposed to be in English.
The nightmare came to full course once I realized this person was spelling this way as an effort. So, God help me, if I ever meet this cretin I will donkey punch the fucklick. Here are two of his posts. The name of the twit and the twit's blog are removed to protect the guilty. I am publishing this without permission... better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Get ready.... here it comes:]
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Who are you? - Never be who you are not!
I duno abt others, bt for myself, many atimes, I wish I was some1 else. Mb some1 taller, more yandao, more cool, more sociable & the list goes on & on... Hwever, I'd never realized tt each & every1 of us is a gem on our own. We're precious & special coz there's no1 who is totally the same as who we are. And whoever we compared ourselves to, u'll certainly find 1 positive thing u haf tt the other party doesn't. If only u looks deeper into ur heart, there lies a hero u nv noe of. Be proud of urself! U're the best u ever could get!
Friday, June 24, 2005
More than words...- Be tactful with your words!
When u noe something when said will provoke others or start an arguement, den try ur best nt to say. If u really muz tok abt it, be tactful (use the correct words, nicer ones) to avoid hurting others or pick up a quarrel. Let me gif u an example, a common one. When ur frenz accidentally knock over a glass of water & splash onto u, dun start saying, "Y r u so dumb/stupid/careless?!" Mb u cld say, "It's okay, but do be careful next time. It would be quite bad if it was hot water." Coz u didn't gave them -ve remarks, bt remind them 2b careful & the seriousness if the same situation were to happen again. It might nt be a v.gd e.g, bt u ppl noe wat I meant 2 say. So dun start shooting ur mouth off the next time. We haf a brain 2 tink, dun we?
[Jesus son of god and mary....
I think this dotard (who is 21, by the way) is trying to be cute. "Look at ME! I'm so clever!" *PUNCH* *SPIT* *KICK* Go ahead, struggle fuckstick.... *PUNCH*
Vowels are not optional and numbers denote amounts. You make me work this hard to read you spew how you wish you were "some1 else"? You short unloved dildo... no one is a "gem". Anyone anywhere near a Blogspot domain is a fucking loser; that's why they blog (or worse, read blogs). I'll stick some coal in your colon and show you a gem. We are neither precious nor special. I "noe" you are hoping to make sense of your life. I "noe" you hope that it's not as bad as it seems. This just in; it's as bad as it seems, in fact, it's worse. Your life has no meaning and writing about it on your blog won't change that.
As for your advice on avoiding confrontations.... come by the house tonight so we can talk this over. By "talk this over" I mean tying you to my garage door and wrapping your scrotum in tinfoil so I have something to connect the car battery to. If you have a friend over and he knocks over a glass of water you should not call them stupid... You SHOULD see if their head can fit inside the glass. Push hard enough and all things are possible. We are all gems and we are all special and we all have heads that will (eventually) fit in any vessel.
Shit, Hofzinser must be up, I can hear him brushing his contorted yellow teeth. HofSnark OUT!]