*Bore the hell out of you

*More momentous

*More great writing

*If you like great writing

*It will break their little hearts

*Suitable for framing

*Worse things in life

*Missed therapy sessions

*SWARM SWARM

*They must have a bug problem


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Sunday, June 05, 2005

During the wooing

"What's wrong Sue?"
"Its Billy, he just doesn't do it for me anymore... he's so taking me for granted lately"
"Typical man... once they win ya they leave ya"
"Assholes"

This is the tenth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.

WordWhiz asked: Why do men treat us like royalty when they're trying to get us, then treat us like on old piece of furniture once we're interested? Do you lose interest once the competition is won?

Like most things in the world the answer to this comes down to the basic law of economics; supply and demand.

When you are being wooed by a man you are presenting a limited suppy of your attention and affection. This increases his demand and affects his behavior. If he is effective in his abilities he will begin to aquire your attention and affections. You are filling his demand with your supply.

So what are you supposed to do? Should you be stingy on filling the demand and not supply the attention and affections to fill his demand? Should you keep him hungry? No milk unless you buy the cow? Sadly, this is one solution to the dilemma. It will likely work for awhile until a new supplier comes on the market presenting a better product thus redirecting his demand.

Hype and short supply will often garner buzz and initial demand. If you are only looking for short shelf life, then be a tease (give small free samples) and stir his demand with good advertising (double entendres, etc). Never call him (make him call you). Always "get back to him" when he asks for a date because you have to "check out what's going on that night". Flirt with other customers so he can see the overall demand is very high.

OR

You can maintain demand by producing a quality product that he cannot find anywhere else. This brings me to a very important point to consider;

Is all the onus on the man in this situation?

Many times women, when the wooing begins, put forth the cream of their product. As they begin to fill the demand (and their inventory begins to dwindle) they don't restock the quality stuff. They start passing off lower caliber product when they use to only dispense the best.

(Ok, now even I'm lost in this Econ analogy... let's drop it)

Men often become less attentive once the relationship gets fully formed and the wooing ends. Typically it is the fault of both the man and the woman. Men tend to always keep a right eye out for something new and when their partner becomes a sure thing or the relationship becomes routine, they drift away or fail to keep things alive. Men often fail to maintain the behavior used to get the woman so they may keep her affections and attentions.

For women, they often stop doing their best as the wooing wains. They don't spend as much time on their appearance. The physical relationship is not maintained and cultivated. Be honest with yourself, do you sleep with him as much now as you did when you started dating?

Some of the onus is on the woman for what she allows. When the man first treats you poorly you MUST discourage and make him aware of the behavior. How often, when he first treats you like a rug, do you "just let it go" because it was "so not like him"? Your silence gives him permission. It registers as tacid consent in his simple simple SIMPLE (did I mention "simple") mind.

SOLUTION: The fix is multi-teired. Be sure you are aware how you act during the wooing. Be yourself so that, as time passes, your behavior does not change (resulting in a nasty "bait and switch"). Do not let bad behavior go unmentioned. Don't be a nag, but don't be a mouse either. From "go" nurture the relationship. Keep things exciting for him and yourself. Break routines, suprise him with random acts of sex, etc.

If the man you are with does not respond to my solution... dump the dirtbag.
If you would like your "Why do Men...?" question answered in a future post be sure to leave your question as a comment HERE.

there are 9 doodles

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Kira said...

Well, now I finally have an explanation for why the ex told me when we were engaged, "Backrub? Oh no, I don't have to do that anymore! I CAUGHT you!" UG! Why didn't I run??? I will scribble down the solution notes to prevent that from happening with Alex. Life is too good for it to slide into the gutter ever again :)

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Patrick said...

The ol' supply and demand curve...that's great stuff.

The truth is, you don't KNOW someone until you've lived with them. Dating and marriage simply aren't the same thing, not even close.

You're right on the money by saying that women (and men)have to voice their concerns the first time they come up. Letting things go, especially big things, simply creates more problems.

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

kira: "caught you..." Wow. Sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one.

patrick: I am divorced and tell people that it is JUST different when you are married. "but we've lived together for years and we are just getting married... nothing is really changing" - BZZZZZT - wrong answer.

Everything changes (for the better if you are good to each other)

"What is different?"

Everything.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Miss Tasha said...

ive seen the scene o many times! not with me, but with friends and other people i know. the women start to wear less makeup, wear sweats all the time, and have no care for doing their hair. at night they give each other a little peck on the lips, roll over and go to sleep.

this behavior doesnt fly with me to well. i was in a relationship for 5 years, and actually towards the end of it, i looked better then when we first got together. but then i realized i could get someone better and i flew the coop.

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Christina said...

I found the supply and demand curve to be tres amusing.
Never thought I would actually use any economics principles after the AP exam. Hm.

I think the law of diminishing returns is applicable here, too.
Great entry today...for someone analytical, this analogy makes perfect sense.

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger MooCow said...

Wow it's like Adam Smith and Dr. Ruth had a baby and named him Hof.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

My ex used to refer to it as the Comfy Chair Syndrome. His theory was that guys are all looking for for that comfy chair. The wooing is just the pain in the ass way they have to get there. Once they find someone they're comfortable with, they want to kick back and relax. "Thank goodness all that wooing is over. Let's hope I never have to do THAT again."

Then again, my ex is a jerk. So what does he really know??

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Well, as someone experiencing both being the comfy chair (with spouse) and the new and desirable thing (with new boyfriend on the side), I think Hof's hit the nail on the head. I don't recommend my approach, but hey, when you can only see each other once a week and no-one has to clean up after the other, it stays pretty exciting and romantic.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger WendyKat said...

sometimes it's just that they guy takes you for granted, period. i was offering plenty but he wasn't interested anymore...my ex only just realized this recently. and i'm grateful that he tells me now, so that i can move on in my new relationship and not feel that i was needy pscyho, and he can move on because how he knows to voice his appreciation.

 

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