He steps out of the shower and wraps the towel around himself as he runs to answer the phone.
"Hello?", he pants between breaths
"Hey sweetie.... are you getting ready?"
"Yep, just got out of the shower."
"Could you do me a favor?", she whispers.
"Put on some of that cologne you wore on our first date. It smells so good on you... and it drives me crazy"
This is the thirteenth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.
The newly-smitten WordWhiz asked: Why do men only care about how they smell for the first couple weeks of the relationship?
Let's start by making something abundantly clear... cologne is a construct of the Female Industrial Complex. Cologne has a dubious history; it was invented in France where female armpit shaving is considered optional. To make matters worse, it is named after a region in Germany (a country where national borders are drawn in pencil).
The first cologne was invented by Gian Paolo Feminis in 1709. He called it "Aqua Admirabilis" (which loosly translates as "Water Baths Not Needed") and Napolean was rumored to use eight quarts of the stuff a month. Feminis made this first scent from grape essense. The first cologne came from a guy who sucked at making wine. Here is a Dan-Brownism for you... Feminis/Germany= Feminazi? Coincidence? I think not.
Perfumes first came to Europe (and make no mistake about it, cologne is perfume... you women and your word games fool us not) as knights returned from the Crusades. The Muslim world realized that they stink (something many Europeans still fail to realize). The builders of the Library of Alexandria took Puerto Rican showers when Europeans still thought the world was a flat plate on the back of a giant turtle. To honor using perfume instead of soap, early explorers of the new world named an island in the carribean to honor the practice. In early June there is even an annual parade in NYC to honor enshrouding yourself in cologne in lieu of taking a bath. It's not called the Shower With Soap Day Parade now is it?
We know you women are all about the cologne. We use it early to help snare your attention. As time passes and we feel confident we have your interest for reasons other than our scent, we tend to lapse. For us, cologne is a tool used for a specific phase in the courting ritual. Once the relationship moves to the later phases, we don't see the need for this weapon.
It is a mistake on our part. Women associate the smell to the days when we did the dog-and-pony show to impress you. You associate it to the days when we opened the car door for you, suprised you with flowers, blah, blah, blah..... We men need to remember it is still a tool in the later phases to remind the lady of those times. We need to think of cologne as our own time machine.
Solution: If you want your man to remeber to use cologne then use positive reinforcement. Early on always make mention of how good he smells right before you get frisky. Preface kissing and touching with a simple, "God, you smell so sexy." Never say the cologne smells good... make it clear it smells good ON US. Trust me, we will remember.
The first time we forget to wear the scent, drop a hint that you noticed its absense. "Sweetie, don't forget to put on some X, it drives me crazy." If we learn that the scent improves our chances of nookie, we won't forget it again... ever. You only need to make the connection. If you NAG us about wearing cologne... well, we know how effective nagging is.
If you would like your "Why do Men...?" question answered in a future post be sure to leave your question as a comment HERE.