*She will torture us

*Who was it?

*BUT not private enough

*Effing masterpiece

*(ahem)

*Thanks, A*, for letting me "sketch you up!"

*Taste just as good

*Kick his ass

*Shhhhhhhhhhhh

*Evokes this mental state (part I)


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Friday, June 10, 2005

Gotta second?

Finding someone to look up to and pattern you life after is getting tougher in this day and age. Our sports stars have more horse hormones than Mr. Ed, our media makes icons of people that do nothing - literally nothing - but get engaged to men with the same name as them. (BTW, how confusing will the vows be at the wedding... "Paris, do you.....". "Who you talking to? Me or him?")

I hate seeing my loyal readers left on an island with not a soul to look up to. As always, your Uncle Hof is here to save the day. I give you.... "Uncle Hof's Superhero of the Week"

This comes from The Smoking Gun and is reprinted without permission (so keep yer yap shut)

Jimmy Buffett Phone Fiasco (link)
Bill Clinton gets crank-called by finder of singer's lost cell

JUNE 8--A Florida busboy who found singer Jimmy Buffett's cell phone--and then proceeded to keep it for a week--told cops that his buddies may have crank-called former President Bill Clinton, whose number was stored in the phone's directory. According to the below Lake Worth Police Department report, Jason Martin, 22, found Buffett's phone outside a Cuban jazz club where the singer partied in late May.

According to an amusing story in today's Palm Beach Post, Martin and his cronies scrolled through the phone's address book (while they were "smoking weed") and marveled at the high caliber of Buffett's address book, which included ex-presidents Clinton and Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, Bill Gates, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, and musicians from rapper Cam'ron to country singer Alan Jackson.

After rejecting Buffett entreaties (and a $200 reward) for the phone's return, Martin finally surrendered the item after cops and Secret Service agents showed up at his home Saturday. As a reward for his telephone intransigence, Martin, who is pictured at right in a mug shot from a 2002 arrest, was fired from his job at the Cuban joint.


You sir, are the fucking MAN.... but I wonder if Stoner and his Stone-ettes really took full advantage of their opportunity. If I had that phone... O lordy:

"Hey, Bill, it's me, Jimmy. What was that Monica chick's number again... I can't find the gosh-dern thing."

"Hey, Jimmy C, it's me, Jimmy B. Is it a sin if I have lust in my heart for your wife..."

"Hey, Al, it's me, Jimmy B. Any chance you can swing by the cabana this week and show me those dance moves again? I got Fleetwood Mac in my ipod but can't remember all the steps."

"Hey, Bill, it's me, Jimmy. My fucking XP crashed again, gotta second?"

there are 8 doodles

At 5:18 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Yo, first time here. I love the design of your blog. It's totally unique and cool. Kudos to you.

It'd be hilarious to find a cellphone with Bill's number in it.

I honestly have no idea what I'd do with that information. I'd probably tell him I thought he got a raw deal. Poor Billy.

I'd also probably say, "Yo, Bill, I inhaled."

Speaking of which, I think I'll go do that now.


For better oral offerings.

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger Jesster said...

Speaking of superheroes, I hear that you play CoH. Add Tulip to your list of global friends and say hi!

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Paige said...

So, you are saying I'm NOT your hero????

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

give me your global on COH... you are my Exemplar!

(im, hofzinser on COH)

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous paul said...

"Hey Cam'ron. And you are....?"

 
At 3:17 AM, Blogger Van said...

Funny to think who has been drinking too much and singing "Margaritaville"

...and Jimmy is a minor celebrity. Imagine who Bruce Springsteen or Bono has on their cel phone.

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger Serra said...

Too dang funny!!! Whyinhell would a weed-sucking young man in a dead-end job not take a free $200 for doing the right thing?

Ohhh, riiiight...it's SOOO much more fun to have the Secret Freaking Service show up on your doorstep because you have Bill C's phone number? Ranks right up there with the brilliance of advertising takeout booze at a truckstop on I-94.

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger Miss Tasha said...

I would have turned it in if that meant getting a chance to meet Jimmi B... of course i would have added my phone number to his phone before hand, and maybe jotted down a few others.

 

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