You get spam, I get spam... what's the difference? I read my spam. They took the time to send it to me and it is the least I can do. As with everything I read, I snark as a I go. I got this little gem in my gmail this morning. My comments are in red.
Subject: It's Me :-) [woot! I thought it was that little black midget from the Bacardi ads... you know, Diet Cola]
Hey it's me again [again? Was I that drunk?]... I still can't fix my email [funny, you've been sending me these ultra-personal emails for over six months now. You still can't get your email working?] so I keep using my friends [ I have an idea, change providers and start using the email service your effing friend uses seeing how you are always using her's. By the way, doesn't she get tired of your skanky ass coming over and hijacking her computer? Hmmm... is your friend hot? I digress....], she's getting mad at me but oh well ;-)) [empathy and selflessness is hot] Anyways I went to the store the other day [OK, Julie, now you are starting to lose me. Why would I care if you went to the store or not?] and met a cute girl [my deepest apologies, Julie, disragard that last statement... I do care!], her name is Linda [does her email work? Maybe you can use her's next time], and we started chatting for a while and then became friends :-) [out of curiosity, when you "became friends" did a bell go off, or an alarm. Maybe streamers fell? I can imagine you and the cute Linda bantering small talk back and forth then, at that special moment, BUM-BA-BAHHH you became friends!]... She's going to come by my place today [get that bitch to fix your effing email!], she'll say hi to you on my webcam ;-) [will she now. Hmmmm. Any chance you two might, with the proper payment on my part, start by waving to me? Then maybe you will both giggle and start tickling each other? Kiss? If anything like that happens I might start getting feelings for both of you. If we keep in touch and chat and cam on a regular basis you could become my friends. Maybe we could talk about our day or about our feelings. After learning we are so compatible we might fall in love. If we fell in love, who knows what could happen! I might love you both too much to let you live... (shut-up, you always ruin everything, no, you ruin it, they were starting to like us, why would they like you, you shut it people are staring at us again, piss off, no you piss off and clean up the blood stains from the bathtub, you clean it, no you clean it)] .... Cya there, oh and my page is at (URL) if you forgot..... [
we will I will write it down this time]
Kisses, bye... Julie [back at ya!]