*Who was it?

*BUT not private enough

*Effing masterpiece

*(ahem)

*Thanks, A*, for letting me "sketch you up!"

*Taste just as good

*Kick his ass

*Shhhhhhhhhhhh

*Evokes this mental state (part I)

*Win me some points


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Friday, June 10, 2005

She will torture us

[greetings fellow Blogiophiles from your favorite blogger, HofSnark. Hofzinser has not woken up yet this morning so I have a chance to take over his sad little blog and give you a post worth reading. I was up late last night tooling through some random blogs. The crap being posted in the blogosphere cannot remain unsnarked.

To protect the dull and guilty, I won't tell you where I found this post. Yes, this is a real post from someones blog, no one could make this drudge up. If it is from your blog, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for mocking you, I am sorry you abuse your two readers with this cream-of-crap... you should be ashamed of yourself.

Today's target comes from a blogging 14 year-old gal from Singapore. If you think I should cut her some slack because she is young then keep your yap shut or the bilge on your blog will be next.

This post was copied without permission (or mercy). If you think God loves us then remember he could have taken this gal's computer in the tsunami... and didn't (he hates you, I specifically asked him about you and he said, "yep, hate that one"). My comments are in red.]

Friday, June 10, 2005
Number Four.

Well, okay, I'm not really thinking straight , but at least I didn't call it "The Third Fourth Post". [should we be thankful for sparing us a really bad title?]

Today was really, really boring. [so, as a result she will torture us with a really, really boring post. What a sweetheart.] I stayed at home the whole day. [At least she did not lie to us. I am already dozing off.] I haven't been out of my house for three days. [She lives in Singapore. Houses there average five square feet per person. You can imagine the smell she is emitting at this point?] The manager at the McDonald's where I applied for a job hasn't called me back yet, and I am getting SO bored. [Sweetie, when you don't get a callback from a McDonalds you should keep it to yourself. I emailed blogger and told them anyone that cannot be hired by Mickey-Ds should not have permission to blog... let's have some standards] I mean, I did some spring cleaning yesterday! I never clean anything! Ever!! [NOW you can imagine the smell.]

Anyway. All I do nowadays is chat on MSN and Yahoo! and in Yahoo! chatrooms, [remember, cupcake, if you meet anyone claiming to be a cute American 14 year-old girl willing to fly you to the states to hang out and listen to Clay Aiken's new album there is no chance she is a 33 year old man running a slave-staffed brothel out of a hovel in South Florida... so go! What an opportunity to see the States!] write in this bloggie, [die, bitch] check how many people have added me at Friendster, [obsessive and insecure... she will make some lucky ox farmer so happy] play TS2 (only a tiny bit, since it's unbearably slow) [riiiiiight] and watch TV. [whew, for a second there I thought you were not getting in some exercise] I've memorised the schedule. I mean...come on! [there, see, you should of mentioned this gift in your McDs interview... the manager would be calling if he only knew!]

I should be catching up on my reading. [you should be doing anything but posting so go... read... NOW] I have like 15 books to read. [good, you're set until your 35] I wish I could go out. [so do we] Although I won't be doing that any time soon because of SOMEBODY. [obsessive, insecure, and now we learn... paranoid. Honey the voices are real, listen to them. They are watching you. They know where you are and what you are thinking.]

I don't feel like writing. [we did not feel like reading yet here we are] Be back tomorrow, maybe. [Go to your mailbox and get that plane ticket I, I mean she, sent you... the customers are waiting.]

[shit, Hofzinser is in the shower... gotta go. HofSnark OUT!]

there are 7 doodles

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Paige said...

That was a pretty painful post. HofSnark, I hope you hear back from Blogger. We have to have some kind of standards yo!

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

This is why I'm grateful the internet didn't exist when I was 14. All my self-involved and boring thoughts were so much more self-involved and boring as an adolescent.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger dopeybugs said...

Absolutely hilarious. I agree that there should be some standards here...really. But, it makes for an interesting read....on YOUR blog, with YOUR comments. It has provided me with amusement this morning. So, thanks for that.

 
At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Van said...

At least she didn't post any pictures of her cat.

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Sad thing is, there are adults who blog like this.

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Paige brought me by. Love the humor. I hate it when I click the "next blog" button and get some 14-year old from Singapore, or people who make up their own spelling systems. It has happened so many times that I don't use that evil button anymore.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

See public service announcement on my blog today.

 

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