For the record...
Ten Things Hofzinser Misses:
1) Donkey Kong Cereal. It tasted like Capn' Crunch without causing cabin boy fantasies and was, to put it bluntly, crunchy barrels of fun.
2) Summer vacation. I deserve, as an adult, ninety days (with no work) to spend playing doctor with the neighborhood girls in the woods behind my house.
3) Building with Lego. I know what you're thinking, "Um, hofzinser, you can still buy Lego". You are correct, I can still buy Lego. You don't build with them anymore, though. Have you looked at the Lego they sell now? Everything is already one big Lego; one formed piece. There is nothing to put together. The bastards dumbed-down Lego. You are also thinking, "You should proof your posts before publishing, you incredibly handsome blogger. The plural of Lego is Legos." You are half right. I am incredibly handsome but, and I looked this up, the plural of Lego is.... Lego. Me:1 You:0
4) My Sister. She lived here for a year and moved back to North Carolina last week. She made this house feel like a home and always answered the phone at 3am if I was drunk off my ass and needed a ride home.
5) Roller Rinks. There was one in the Fingerlakes Mall in Auburn, NY. When i was a kid my mom would drop me and my brother off there. The rink ran a circle around the food court on the second floor. They played hair band song after hair band song. I could go backwards, on one skate and do a fast spinny thingy without throwing up the pizza. Of course, when they played REO Speedwagon, nobody would hold my hand and make the laps with me. I still think they were intimidated by my looks. People think it's easy being this good looking... sometimes it's just lonely.
6) My Mom. This September will be nine years since she died of breast cancer (at the ripe old age of 45). She would have loved A*. I can imagine them meeting and Mom giving her the "what the hell took you so long" hug. Since the day I left for college she called every Sunday morning. She never stopped until she was too weak to pick up the phone. I forgot her birthday two years in a row because I suck.
7) Defenders of the Earth. Screw Super Friends, this cartoon brought together all the heroes nobody ever heard of or gave a shit about... Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, and Lothar! Flash Gordon was a guy that was not that strong, really not that fast and had a laser gun (eat ass, Superman!). Mandrake was a cut-rate Copperfield. The Phantom wore a purple suit and could punch things. Lothar was one of the first black superheroes on TV. He had no powers and usually stood as the standard plot device by getting kidnapped or brainwashed. Best part? He was Madrake's manslave. Try and get a cartoon on TV now showing a white dude in a top hat with a black manslave. In 1985 nobody was making Saturday Morning cartoons politically correct. Ming the Merciless and his diabolical plans never stood a chance against this powerhouse team.
8), 9), 10) Right now, more than anything, I miss A*. Fuck this long-distance crap, fuck not rushing into things, fuck being practical, fuck, fuck, phuck, double-fuck.