*With these hands!

*The moon blocks the sun making day into night

*Just got off the phone with her

*Wow

*Is it just me....

*I checked... I asked

*The room is only twenty-five

*Time to break up all this serious crap

*Torches and pitchforks

*Easier than parenting


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Monday, July 04, 2005

DLS #1

Bet ya didn't know....

I use to be married.

I was married in 1997 and seperated a year later. Her and I still talk. It was not a messy divorce and I got to keep the dishes!

Why did we get married?

We met in college and dated for much of our illustrious college career. She was a person I could spend endless hours with. We were in love. We were young. We believed you graduate from college then you get married. We read somewhere that is what you do.

Why did we get divorced?

She figured out she was gay.

Yep, you read it right. Go ahead and tee-up your best Ross jokes.

there are 14 doodles

At 10:20 AM, Blogger Mr. Drinker said...

no...can't do it...love ya too much man...although I can't help but wonder where you got all that good info for your "cunnilingis" post...

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger vbkim said...

That is a good examples of why the words - honey we have to talk - are never a good thing.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Jackie said...

Hof,
I am an idiot. Please forgive me.
Perhaps, a little absent-minded.
For all this time, I've been reading your blog, from the link on A*'s page. Not from mine.
I've corrected that.
Love and Kisses,
J

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger a chick said...

i dated a guy for two weeks and then he decided he was gay. But i think you win this one.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Guy I was in love with in junior high and the first two years of high school: Gay.
Guy I went Senior Prom with: Now a Monk.

I think I'm a very close second.

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

One of my good friends whose Catholic keeps dating guys who then join the priesthood, which, last I checked, wasn't doing really well about getting guys to sign up. She's devout, but is beginning to feel kind of bad.

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

drinker: you know there is a problem when your wife licks better carpet than you do. Where does that leave Mrs. Drinker?

vbkim: agreed. "Honey, we have to talk" should be answered with a quick, "can we bang first?"

jakie: WOOOT! I have a link on 86 tips! WOOOOOOOOT! I'm honored by your readership! I love your blog! I seem to be ending all my sentences with excitement! Every one! Damn!

a chick: at least you get the badge of honor of being his last girlfriend.

paige: I have a feeling there are is a certain someone who will attest that sleeping with you does not lead to other men or abstinence.

foilwoman: Does she have children already? Maybe a young son? It might explain it. (Lordy, I am goin' to hell for THAT one!)

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger Mr. Drinker said...

still married...

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Islandgirl said...

That is the best dirtiest secret ever.
Love it.

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Yeah, his parents love me because I'm not a guy...what does that say?

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Well, at least A* has no worries with you "getting back with your ex"!!!!

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Joe said...

Hey, that's just like what happened to Ross on Friends!! Sorry...you asked us to do that but nobody had.

You hear stories like this from time to time, but I wonder if it works the other way. You never hear people saying "It didn't work out because my partner decided he / she was straight."

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Wow...no, I didn't know. Guess she didn't have a lot of time to teach you four things. DP says it's not 4 things in a lifetime, it's 4 things per owner. If you inherit a well-trained guy, you're way ahead. Did she train you well. Nevermind...I'll ask A*.

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Hof: Going to hell, going to hell, going to hell. Sadly, there was a blog, Going2Hell that I just looked at a couple of weeks ago, but they closed it because they were getting too many creepy messages from their avid fans (or "You're going to hell, you heathens, for posting this stuff."). But at that blog, you were allowed to post you sin and obtain their ruling. I think that they would find that you are, indeed, going straight to hell (which is also a great song by the Clash).

 

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