*No biggie


*Dan, thanks for letting me "Sketch You Up!"

*The cave I rented


*All the problems

*Without wasting any of the creamy goodness


*And a back rub

*She brings

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Thursday, July 28, 2005

No food for you

I started my Master Cleanser detox diet today. This is the second time I've done this great diet. It dissolves and cleans your body of toxins and has a weight loss side effect. I lose, on average 2-3 pounds a day.

Normally it is a 10-day diet, I will do it only for 7-days so I can eat like a human when I fly up to NYC to see you-know-who.

The only things I can put in my body (and I mean the ONLY things) are:
  • Mint tea
  • Cleanser tea
  • The Drink
The drink is made up of water, fresh squeezed organic lemon juice, grade B maple syrup ($17 a bottle - WTF?) and cayenne pepper. It tastes like really good lemonade with a pepper kick. I don't mind the taste at all.

It is amazing how much energy I have on the diet (I can do my runs and sleep better). It is great for my Crohn's as well. Believe it or not, you still go "#2" through-out the whole diet despite not taking in solids. It is all the toxins from your digestive system and joints leaving the body. Pretty incredible.

The only bad part is the salt water rinse. A few times during the diet you have to drink 1 or 2 liters of salt water. The body does not absorb the salt water (same salination as the body) so it shoots in one end... and leaves out the other. It is the only healthy colonic you can do (colonics from the other side only impact).

The first time I did the diet I had a physical before, half-way and after the diet. My doctor was not crazy about me doing it but was suprised when he checked my again and at the end. He told me not to be afraid of doing it again as long as I am very careful coming off of it (taking in solids again).

If reading this was not enough.. I might start a live web cam streaming here on HALO of the inside of my large intestine... 'cause I love ya.

Diet Day 1 of 7

there are 19 doodles

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Paige said...

so you are gonna drop like, at max, 30 pounds??? I need to drop 25 pounds like a bad habit......Okay Hof, for just ten days out of my life I think this may be worth a shot. Could you send me exact amounts on how much to put in that drink?

If it works I'm totally buying you dinner at the BloggerCon.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Where did you get this remedy? And how often do you drink this stuff? Doesn't our body NEED potassium and other stuff to survive?

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Firefly said...

interesting... though my body couldnt do it... not with my hypogliciemia...

i'll just stick to drinking my green tea

At 1:38 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

You drink it whenever you get hungry. You are never hungry while you do it. You must be careful, though.

Here is the book (a must) it teaches you how to ramp up and down from it and gives the VERY specific ingredients


Lemons are one of the most nutrient-rich foods there is... they take care of the vitamins.

Don't do it without reading the whole book and don't cut ANY corners.

At 1:39 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...


It is not a weightloss trick.. it is a detox. You do lose weight but you will put right back on if you don't exercise and eat right.

At 1:41 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Ah, I can't wait for a book to arrive! I feel to fat and gross NOW!

::slinks off to go eat breakfast::

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Thanks for getting my hopes up Hof! :-(

At 2:02 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

The book is super cheap and the diet costs about $6-$10 a day (with the ingredients)

When you get the time and cash... you should consider it.

At 4:08 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

The only reason you do probably lose weight is WATER weight! So funny how people tell me... Oh, I lost 3 pounds! Whooptido! I gain and lose that much every day depending on when I've "gone"! ;)

So the detox is mostly to clean out your colon or just all the toxins in your whole body?

At 4:12 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

You are correct, Autumn.

You detox from your digestive system, joints and fatty tissue.

It is pretty amazing. I already feel better....

At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Julie said...

This is why they make different colored shirts: what may look good on you, doesn't so much work on someone else.

I am of the firm belief that your body detoxes naturally...by itself. As long as you don't fill it with excessive unnecessary (*cough CIGARETTES *cough) toxins - it'll do exactly what it is supposed to. But, of course, I wish you well! We'll fill ya back up with the bad stuff when you get to NYC!

At 5:29 PM, Blogger Grend31 said...

What constitutes being safe "taking in solids again"?

At 5:50 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

you have to be very careful coming off the diet and eating solid food again. The book has a specific regiment for transitioning back to normal food.

At 5:58 PM, Blogger Mags said...

Hey, I've been meaning to try this for quite some time now. So you do this for 10 days? How can you stand it??? Is there a website I can look at?

At 6:16 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

You have enough self discipline to do this ultra-restrictive diet...for the sake of your health...but you can't quit smoking?? What am I missing here??

At 7:49 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

mags: Nope, not website. Not a money maker for the guy. The book is 20 years old.

(see link above in a previous comment)

I recomend ordering the book and giving it a read. It is super-short and interesting as hell. If you do read it, you will never consume honey again. He rails on honey something terrible.

At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Christina said...

Too bad I hate tea.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Madame D said...

Interesting. Sounds like a good thing for me, actually, to kickstart weightloss, tell the body to "get over itself" and start getting the fat gone, since I'm already doing the healthy eating and excersize shit. (no car=lots of walking. Walking good. Have better looking legs from it already. . .)

At 12:43 PM, Blogger allison said...

The detox would be worth it, furreal. Especially seeing as how I am no longer a cheap date...her tolerance, people, is hIIIIgh.


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