*Before my head cleared

*I will sleep

*She invited you back to her place for coffee

*Stealing Internet

*The first things to be bought and sold

*Pile of stuff

*Spiders crawling all over your skin

*Miss Paige, thanks for letting me "sketch you up"!...

*Even more paranoid than normal

*In their dark, but idling, trucks

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Friday, August 12, 2005

Answer a question nobody asked

Have you noticed that all of the 24hr news networks have reduced themselves to repeating this pattern:
  • Give a short cursory explanation of the topic/controversy
  • Introduce two "experts" to present the two sides of the issue (including "swoop sound", a fancy graphic then a split screen featuring the talking heads)
  • Let each "expert" rant their extreme view with no regard for each other
  • End segment with no resolution, deeper analysis or anything beyond two raving extremists who called each other a cow and an idiot
If any of you work for one of these networks, please confirm this is the list of requirements before you can appear as an "expert"
  • You must have a bad haircut
  • You must hate someone or something. I mean HATE. If you just disagree it is not enough.
  • If you are male you must be smug, written a book that nobody's read, and wear a bad tie
  • If you are female you must qualify as "bitchy" and have either a bad eye or nose job
  • You are not to listen or consider what was said by the other "expert". If it appears that you are actually on the program to discuss the topic you will not be invited back
  • If you are a reasonable person please note our "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Do not ever appear reasonable while on camera.
  • If the other "expert" you appear with is of the opposite sex, please appear extra dismissive and refer to their rant as "what you would expect from a (man/woman)". All other opinions presented that do not match the one you are to represent are to be discounted BY YOU because the opinion came from (pick one) a woman, a man, a conservative, a liberal or a "sympathizer who is bad for our country"
  • You do not have to respond to the question asked by the moderator/anchor. They will ask you a question but your response, in no way, needs to match up with the question. Talk about whatever you want and feel free to answer a question nobody asked.

there are 5 doodles

At 11:43 AM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Hey! What's the big deal? That format represents everything that is good in American media. If it wasn't so Jerry Springer, nobody would watch.

At 12:31 PM, Blogger allison said...

I like the sports shows where these dip_____ (insert fave suffix here) actually earn points during their masturbatory screaming matches.

At 1:02 PM, Blogger Mesabi Red ;) said...

...and the points are just randomly given out by the host with zero reasoning behind it other than what mood he's in that day. Zero resolution, zero understanding, zero compromise, zero common sense and rationality. And some of us wonder why so many Americans just don't understand the issues anymore...

At 1:21 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Ha! Ha! This is SO funny and SO true!!

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Just a few OTHER reasons why I try not to watch the news!


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