This edition of "Quotefest" features the author P.J. O'Rourke.
If you've never read Parliament of Whores or Eat the Rich... go NOW and read 'em. He is a true thinker and funny as hell. He is often labled "conservative" by many. You can be assured anyone trying to throw him into that camp has never read his work.
Here are some of my favorite P.J. quotes:
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.*drumroll*
Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.
Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?
Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
And me personal favorite....
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.