This is the sixteenth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.
The horse-hung MooCow asked: Why do men's fancy pants come with multiple buttons? I mean my jeans only need one button. So why when I'm wearing fancy pants do I need two or sometimes three buttons around the waist? Is it only because fat dudes wear nice pants?
When a man is putting on fancy pants he is preparing to do one of the following:
The makers of fancy pants are so tricky. There is the button at the top where all pant buttons are. There is the second button next to it which seems redundant then the mystery button that falls somewhere near the jewels and just behind the zipper. Once you get yourself strapped in, all button locked and your fly set you are ready to go. Your mind is focused, the Rubik Cube is solved. Lock and load, rock and roll you are ready to take on the task.
They also provide a nice fail-safe. If one of the main buttons fail because you use to fit in that suit when you bought last year yet somehow the air in the closet has been shrinking all of your clothes, you have back ups. Kind of like the second key needed to the big scary red button in the steel suitcase the president carries around in the movies. If you are wearing fancy pants, the last thing you want is for buttons to be a'popping and pants to be a'dropping (unless, of course, you are finished with your fancy pants dinner and she invited you back to her place for coffee).
Don't forget, your tie is tied the right length when the only fancy pants button is covered by the bottom of the tie. Bottom line... be happy you have to wear fancy pants. In most cases, it means you're are going somewhere... lookin' fancy.