*Miss Paige, thanks for letting me "sketch you up"!...

*Even more paranoid than normal

*In their dark, but idling, trucks

*Who ARE those guys?

*No food for you

*No biggie


*Dan, thanks for letting me "Sketch You Up!"

*The cave I rented


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Thursday, August 04, 2005

Spiders crawling all over your skin

He was a stoner. A real first-thing-in-the-morning and last-thing-before-bed type stoner. We shared an apartment in college.

I came home one night after a long grind of bartending and the smell of it wafted from his room... it filled the apartment. Somewhat annoyed, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and went into my room to do some reading.

I heard him get up around 4am (yep, I was still a-readin'). Looking at my empty beer bottle, I knew a refill was in order. As I walked past the dinette set, I saw Stoner sitting there with his head buried in his hands, elbows planted on the table. I threw him a quick "hey" and continued my quest for the prize in the fridge.

After grabbing a bottle and getting it open, I leaned on the counter, looked at him and took a swig. That is when I noticed his pants around his ankles.




"What?", he mumbled.

"What the hell are you doing?"

As if it weighed 100 pounds, he lifted his head from his hands. Giving me a look (like I was the asshole) he frankly responded, "Taking a shit". His tone made it clear I was the dumbass in the room.

"Um, dude, you are in the kitchen"


"You are IN the KITCHEN!"

He sat up and slapped his hands on the table. He looked around baffled, like God had just picked him up by his shirt neck and dropped him there at just that moment.

"Huh... the kitchen." He stood up and lifted his pants. Not bothering to zip or snap them shut, he shuffled to the bathroom. A quick inspection of our unadvertised second bathroom revealed I broke his spell just in time.

I've heard the argument that nobody's ever died smoking pot. I've heard it is a harmless drug when compared to alcohol and speed disguised as medication. That may well be the case. The best anti-weed ad ever was the one showing the guy in his room with his buddy. He was toking and tells his friend, "Man, they kept tellin' us that smoking grass would ruin our lives. Hell, I'm almost 40 and my life hasn't changed a bit". You then hear his mother yell from downstairs that she can smell something burning. Yep... he still lived at home. '

Weed may not make you beat your wife or make you see spiders crawling all over your skin. It does do is make you content and complacent. I love the uber-conspiracy theory that the government allowed pot to spread through the populous because a complacent populace just does not give a damn. Weed may not kill you... but it will smoke out any desire and drive you may have.

Of course, without it, half of my CD collection would of never been made; many of my favorite books would of never been written. If you play guitar or write... Smoke it UP!

there are 13 doodles

At 10:03 AM, Blogger deanne said...

Heh! I love the scoobies!

I don't do it often enough though to fit in the "still living with my parents" group though.

At 10:04 AM, Blogger Melanie said...

That picture...lmao! I was never a "pothead" but every once in awhile a little weed is fun. Wait, I don't mean now, I meant back "then"...

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Mr. Drinker said...

Now what about the men who own multi-million dollar companies and still smoke well into their 60's? Has their desire and drive been smoked out? Or is it in hiding until their company flops? While I understand your point and somewhat credit it's validity, it really is too broad of a generalization to be correct. You are stating opinion.

Love ya, mean it twice

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Andy said...

I agree with Mr. Drinker. I have a friend who does it quite often and he is a very successful businessman!

For some people, it's the only thing that makes them tolerable.

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

It may not make you beat your wife, but you may neglect her!! My exhusband was an avid, everyday, 2-3 times a day pot smokers and those few days once in awhile when he ran out were worse than a room full of PMSing women!! He was the biggest little bitch!

oooh.. and the sitting around on the couch all weekend watching sports thing, wasn't very good.

Thank GOD, I left his ass!

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Kira said...

I'm with Autumn. Same experience, so since she just said it for me, I'll shut up ;)

Oh except I got the part wherein the cops then busted into our house with a search warrant for said pot too. Fun for all! AND YAY! THE KIDS GOT TO WATCH!

At 4:24 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Boy, this is a potentially explosive one, huh? I will admit to getting high about once every few years, so it's not something that has much chance of sapping whatever little DRIVE I may have. I do know that it makes whatever stereo I'm listening to sound like the best sound system ever invented. And pizza...man, it's a whole new food group when you're high. Forget paying a fortune to go to some high-priced comedy club. Everything's funny when you're high. I just laugh and laugh. And sex? Well...you know that I'm a good girl, Uncle Hof, but from what I've HEARD, it's unbelievably intense when you're high. (Naturally, that's just what I HEAR.)

At 5:21 PM, Blogger A* said...

Hmmm maybe I need to pick up some pot this weekend...


Can't wait to see you tomorrow!!!

At 8:59 PM, Blogger allison said...

Pot. Hungry paranoia with a sprinkling of inhibition on top and a garnish of imagination on the side. All in all, I can't say that it is such a terrible thing.

At 9:03 PM, Blogger allison said...

Argh. Scratch that, reverse it. "LACK OF inhibition" is what I meant by that.

I mean, do you think I would get up in front of a room full of people and full-out perform Liza's number from "The Boy of Oz" while inhibited. Nay, friends. I could not.

At 11:36 PM, Blogger VegasGustan said...

I used to smoke it quite a bit. In fact, I would still smoke if I had a reliable source. I found I was one of those types that it just made me mellow and happy. Audra says I can if I ever find a source as long as it does not become an expensive and shitty habit. Any one know anybody in the Vegas area?

Man, we are going to get so busted.

At 3:13 AM, Blogger Miss Tasha said...

The stoners I come across nowadays are the typical ones, that all they care about is smoking then fincing some old munchies to scarf down. But its kind of a mind over matter type deal. Once you let it control you, game over. Some of my parents best friends smoke pot and they are very respected, higher society people. During the day they have responsabilites but they know how to let their hair down and relax.

BTW, ive missed reading your blog hoff... im back now.. i mean it this time!

At 3:25 PM, Blogger bornfool said...

That was me in the commercial.


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