*Parker

*DOH!

*Um, yea, hi, how ya doin'?... Contest part II

*Contest!

*Visiting at all hours

*Which of you are up to it?

*I've met her

*Real discourse

*Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun

*So it goes (and an update on the BIQ)


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Friday, September 30, 2005

In her little face

Dear Lynn,

I guess it has been, technically, nine or so years since we've talked. I tend to think it has been more like ten. You really weren't yourself those last nine or so months.

I am not sure how much you've been keeping up with everyone these last nine years so I thought an update might be in order. If you've stayed abreast of everyone while you've been gone then, well, here it all is anyway (in case you missed something).

You would be so proud of Craftsman. He is very much his father's son. Everyone always labeled me the creative one. You left before seeing his creativity find a medium. He's started his own remodeling/contracting company and is turning away business already. He has such a gift of looking at a room and seeing what it COULD be. He then has the vision to make it happen.

It amazes all of us how he can try something he's never done before and his vision and determination make it happen. You should swing by his house sometime and look at the amazing poker table and coffee tables he made. They are 100% his designs. He imagined them and then realized them. There is nothing more creative than that. As much as I've loved being viewed as the talented artist in the family, he's more than proved he is as much, if not more, of an artist than I.

Everybody thought I got my artistic gifts from you. He is proof that we got it from both you and Dad. Dad, like Craftsman, was, and is, an artist. Craftsman has his same vision. The ability to build and create. To see a space as a puzzle, an area as a challenge and to take wood, nails, paint, varnish and solve the problem that nobody else even realized existed.

He's also become an amazing man. He has your warmth and uncanny ability to make any stranger see a new best friend. Everybody he meets immediately sees his warmth and genuine kind heart. To this day I've never heard him say a bad word about anyone. He somehow seems to always find the best in everyone he meets. Even if they may not deserve it. He's more like you than any of us expected.

His open-heart policy makes him pretty vulnerable; not unlike you were. We all try and protect him from being hurt or taken advantage of. He's learning. He's figuring out that sometimes you have to be a little selfish so there is enough of you to give to the ones you love. Hell, its been years since he's lived down here in FL and a week does not go by that someone doesn't ask me about him or tell me to say hello to Craftsman for them.

I can't wait until that special girl comes waltzing into his life. Jesus, she is only lucky chick. He is going to make quite a husband and an incredible father. She's out there right now and has no idea what a great future lies ahead for her. I often wonder if you know who she is.

I wonder about you all the time.

Sister has been doing one hell of a job since you left. You were the glue that held us all together but when you took off, she picked up the bottle and kept everything stuck together. She is so damn thoughtful. You know how we all think, "I should write so-and-so" or "I should do this for so-and-so sometime"? We all think of stuff like that. She, on the other hand, actually does it. She sits down and writes the letters, mails the pictures, remembers the birthday or buys a little thing that proves she was thinking about you.

She makes sure us boys don't get too sharp edged. She's been my guiding light through some really strange and difficult times. She's been there for Dad more than I think she even realizes. She's teaching now and back in NC. I volunteered in her class when she was teaching down here.
There are some teachers out there that do it because they got nothing else they can do. Others do it to be a little powerful and have a little influence. Some actually do it because they give a shit. God, does she give a shit. She has your tenderness.

You always looked at us kids and saw all of the potential even we did not see. You saw every small accomplishment or accolade we got not as an isolated event but as part of the natural path we were taking to becoming what you already saw us as. Sister is just like that with every child she teaches. I use to love hearing her talk about the kids when she came home. It gives you hope about what the next batch will bring to this world.

Youngest graduated this year. Can you believe that all four of your children have degrees now? He's starting to find his path. There is nothing he cannot do. His personality is infectious. If you can spend more than thirty minutes with him without laughing so hard your face hurts, you have some serious problems. He always finds humor and is always there when a laugh is exactly what everyone needs.

He is very much like Craftsman. He has your ability to make new friends by just being him. None of us know exactly where he is headed now that school is closed and done. I know that whatever he finds he will excel at. You don't have to look too hard or too long before you see his talents, kindness and work ethic.

Dad is having the toughest time since you left. After being kicked in the teeth for so many years before he met you, then having 24+ years of happiness with you, it is so hard to see him back at the business end of the kicking. The part of him that left when you did has not filled back up again. In fact, its been sucking happiness from his life ever since.

He can't seem to get ahead or find the ability to get it all straight. Nobody can blame him. He was given a nasty ticket to a shitty movie and you and us kids are the only intermission. I hope their is a great twist at the end of the picture that none of us sees coming.

I hope, just as our hero is surrounded, out of supplies and bullets and his horse is dead the calvary appears on the horizon to scoop him up. You know we all miss you but Dad can't seem to quite live right with you gone. Us kids got things covered. Just keep an eye on him and pull any stings you got to make things a little better for him. He's had enough and deserves a break.

As for me... its been a crazy nine years. I graduated from school a few months after you left. I got married... then divorced. I got moved down here to South Florida and spent several years wondering if I was ever going to find anyone.

Were you able to hear me when I was lying in bed all of those nights talking to you? Did you hear me ask you how much longer was I supposed to wait? Did you have anything to do with me finally meeting A*?

I hate that she's never met you. You two would be instant best friends. She is so good to me and she sees in me the things you always saw. She loves me for the reasons you love me. She was so worth waiting for. If you had anything to do with her coming into my life then I guess I owe you another one.

I'm so anxious to get my life started with her. I can't wait until we have our first daughter. For some reason I know I will see so much of you in her little face.

I fucking miss you so much.

Love, me.

there are 13 doodles

At 12:40 PM, Blogger A* said...

Dammit, I'm at work. I can't sit here and cry for 15 min!

Yes, she did have something to do with it. When we finally get to fall asleep at night in the same bed, we will talk to her together.

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Paige said...

You guys are both making me cry! You are so sweet y'all!

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger Dancinfairy said...

I could hardly focus on the words towards the end of the post as the tears were in my eyes.

a*'s comment made them fall.

You two seem to be the best combination.

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger Kira said...

Damnit, I'm crying too ! Shit!

That was a beautiful peace, Hof, obviously moved by your love for her and your family.

You're making me fret for your daddy though...poor guy!

 
At 11:29 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Wow...that's all I can say right now. I'm running for the tissue box.

 
At 2:34 AM, Blogger HissyFitz said...

I enjoy your blog and read regularly but rarely comment, save for posts like this one.

She *is* proud of you all.

 
At 3:12 PM, Blogger Vivian to Some said...

I will come back with a proper comment when my eyes quit leaking.

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Mel said...

And then I read this and now I'm crying. Oh Hof, I totally understand. I miss my mom so much. It's been almost seven years and it still seems like last week. I so wish she could have gotten to see my daughter that I named after her. Funny thing...my middle name is Lynn...

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger Mesabi Red ;) said...

Thanks for indirectly reminding me to hug my parents even harder next time I see them.

 
At 11:41 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Damn! Now I'm all weepy n shit!! :'(
Sorry anyone has to miss their parents like that.

 
At 11:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i miss her every day, too. she softened the edge on ALL of us, yet made us tougher, too. she was always the one adult you could confide our problems in and not worry about being judged. i still get angry... even 9 years later. some part of me always will be mad; but then i can't help but smile a little when i think of the time her and her little brother must be having now... i can hear almost hear them laughing.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger Mr. Drinker said...

Jesus, for someone who doesn't cry...I gotta tell you buddy. That was the closest I have come in YEARS. Believe me when I tell you she has to do with everything that has happened in the paths of all you guys. That's what makes her just as amazing in the afterlife as she was in flesh. I feel that with my mother as well. Honestly the best post you have ever done.
Love ya man...

 
At 7:58 PM, Blogger Mercy said...

Ok .. you obviously missed the memo about not making me cry .. but I'll let it slide since I'm at home and not at work!!

That was beautiful. Really beautiful. Nothing I say can even express how it made me feel.

 

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