*So it goes (and an update on the BIQ)

*You already know what HofSnark thinks.

*Why, you ask?

*Words and passion

*Aint so bad

*OMG, the Fins kicked ASS

*I am stuck here

*$50 Reward for YOU!

*HOFergize your day

*sniff


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Monday, September 19, 2005

Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun

This is the seventeenth installment in the "Why do Men...?" series inspired from comments on this post.

The always frank Kira asked: Why are men so fascinated with bodily functions? I'm not talking about sex, either. I'm talking about passing gas, belching, and how big the turd is that they just put in the bathroom. And the hard, cold fact that it has to be announced, relished, and appreciated. "OH HONEY, you just GOTTA see this one! It's TREMENDOUS!"

We men love to build and create things.

I call it womb-envy.

You ladies are the ultimate terrestrial creators. Your body produces friggin life. We will never be able to do that (maybe I should never say never).

How do we men compensate for this? We build and create. We make pyramids, parthenons, skyscrapers and bridges. Some of us make levees and some are not so good at it. We are in a constant species-long quest to create something CLOSE to as grand as what you ladies can create as bodily function.

Which brings us to the heart of your question.

We cannot excrete babies form our orifices. We can fart, burp, cum and lay logs the size of a coiled slinky. Do these compare to a baby? Of course not... so humor us.

*Fart*
"Sweetie, was that you?"
"um, yea"
"Nice one!"
*and high-five him*

Trust me, you will be known far and wide among his boys as the coolest fucking wife/girlfriend since Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun.

there are 8 doodles

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Spexial said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

What about Evita? Have you forgotten Evita?

BTW ladies, my fiance does the whole high-five thing, and among my male friends, she's revered.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger Kira said...

Hmmm best I will do is rate them. "Well, that's a great one, about an 8.9...still think last night's was better though! Now THAT was tremendous!"

Actually, I do that to my male students who belch in class too.

The explanation makes sense. Thanks!

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Autumn said...

Ok, you're not only totally smart but you really do know how to make us women feel good! ;)

Now... if we could only articulate what pain we go through having that child (compared to your measely coiled slinky), you'd men would REALLY appreciate what we go through.

Frankly, I think we're goddesses just for that alone!

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

You fart as the result of "womb-envy"??? Oh come on, Uncle Hof.

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

no, my dearest WW, we take PRIDE in our creations because you are the ultimate creators.

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger Dancinfairy said...

So why is it if a woman farts or belches she doesn't get a high five?

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger A* said...

Well DF-
He does give me a nice compliment when I give a good belch! :)Usually, he's pretty proud.

 

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