*Run to Wal Mart

*Before I do anything brash....

*Stripper to the pole

*Keep your eye on the ball

*Clever little show

*In her little face



*Um, yea, hi, how ya doin'?... Contest part II


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Monday, November 07, 2005

Please, no autographs

Here is a random Hofactiod (Hofzinser Factiod - see you missed me): I was a movie star.

In 1995 as I finished up my illustrious degree at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (anyone know who won the NCAA tourney last year?) I was cast in a small but pivotal role as a Harvard applicant in the shockingly bad movie My Teacher's Wife (starring Tia Carrera and Jason London).

It is currently running on Showtime for those of you that have mastered time and space with your DVRs. At almost the very end of the movie, Jason is sitting on the steps of one of the buildings at UNC. He watches as a father gives his son (me!) some last minute tips on nailing the interview.

It was ten years ago and proved to be a terrible choice for my career. I was forever typecast as the nervous Ivy-league teen. As I got older it got tougher and tougher to get those roles and the bastards in Hollywood refused to see me as anything else.

My affair with Tia soon fell apart. Her career ground to a halt soon after the movie. She still calls and emails me trying to use my inside connections to get auditions. I've told her she only has a few years left to explore a porno career but she can't wait much longer.

Jason never clawed his way out of the B-movie circle. He still calls when he's in town.

I answer if I feel like it.

there are 8 doodles

At 6:36 AM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

We all knew you had an aura of greatness and a face for the silver screen. This will be my next DVD rental! I hope I can make you out on my little 13" TV screen!!

At 6:54 AM, Blogger Kira said...

Yes, I can, Hof! And I can also tell you who won the NCAA tourney in '91 and '92, too ;) Or who has had more final four appearances in the last 15 years...but that's another issue! *coughs, then runs so Hof doesn't kill her*

But wait, don't kill me! I have more useless trivia!

Combined paid attendance over the last 10 seasons for Carolina-Duke games: 445,113. Combined paid attendance for the last 10 national championship games: 427,395.

Carolina leads the all-time series with Duke, 123-94. Duke leads the series 46-42 in games played in Durham. The Tar Heels have lost seven of their last eight games in Cameron Indoor Stadium since the 1996-97 season (defeating the Blue Devils in 2000-01).

We're tabbed as the preseason #1. Oh, and Coach K--or as one of my dear friends who is a tarhole tells me, "the weasel"--is the head coach for USA basketball from 2006 until 2008.

Have I issued out enough profanity on your blog yet? :)

At 8:06 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

One name, dearest kira, ends this.

I invoke it only as you beg it be done.

Dean Smith.


At 9:42 AM, Blogger Mel said...

Very interesting Hof..

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Dan said...

I looked on IMDB. Your name isn't in the cast list. Which makes me very very sad.

At 10:36 AM, Blogger hofzinser said...

Yep. They dubbed over my voice which, I guess, loses my credit rights (I have no idea).

My "dad" was credited. A Chapel Hill actor

Ira David Wood III (Father of Harvard Applicant)

We are estranged now. After blowing the interview he let out his rage on Mom. I could not take it anymore and built a fully functional helicopter made from super glue, my collection of rookie Dan Marino sport cards and my mother's Diana Shore record collection.

I escaped from our island-mountain villa at age 26 and have not talked to him since.


At 3:44 PM, Blogger Two Drink Girl said...

Hof is back! *does a little dance*

At 12:33 PM, Blogger VegasGustan said...

You did not tell me I was having dinner with a straight-to-video bit part player!

You bastard!


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