*Open letter that he will never read

*Actually get nothing done

*All coming together

*Get your geek on

*Solid night's sleep

*Terror on the green felt

*Ask

*You (almost) know

*Both cry

*Today


1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy


   Friday, January 13, 2006

Get over it and try this

I am flooded daily with emails from my readers. Most ask for advice or my thoughts on this or my thoughts on that. Many of my gay male and straight female readers ask how they can improve their relationship and/or sex life with their boyfriend/husband. Instead of spending hours today answering each and every email, I will start a new feature called...

"Just for Him"

These will be short suggestions for what you can do just for your man today to make his life a little better. Hopefully this feature will stem the tide of emails and give many of you ideas that will add some variety to your relationships while bringing you closer together.

Just for Him #1
The "I can't resist"

Next time you find yourself alone with your man, show him how much he turns you on. There are few bigger turn-ons for men than the idea that their partner cannot contain their attraction towards them. The idea that you are SO sexually attractive to us that, at times, it overwhelms you is a HUGE turn-on.

So hit him with an ambush blow-job. Maybe you are both watching TV on the couch. Lean over, unzip and go to it. Say nothing... just go for it. Maybe he is in the shower. Hop in and drop down. Say nothing, just go for it. Maybe he is driving... same as the couch scenario above. There should be no other foreplay or hanky-panky (or even kissing) first. You want this to be an ambush. He should never expect it. I also recommend a whispered "I just couldn't help myself" sometime early in the act. Look up to him and say it.

You want to give him the feeling that he and his penis have been on your mind all day. You've tried to control yourself, you've tried to resist... but you couldn't any longer. You had to see it, you had to touch it, you had to taste it.

I realize some of you are not into giving BJs. Get over it and try this. Be sure to come back and share with all of us how it went.

Trust your Uncle Hof... this is something great "Just For Him."

there are 6 doodles

At 11:41 AM, Blogger A* said...

If you were here...

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Yeah, emailing THIS to the fiance right now...

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger Dan said...

OK, First of All, A*
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!
Now that we've got that out of the way...
Hof: I'm all for oral sex. WOOO!
But are you really getting that many letters requesting sex advice? Or is this just another one of those thinly veiled steps in the straight man's plan to get all people who aren't staright men to be giving blow jobs at all possible times? Cause I know that's what ya'll are up to. I've seen the coffee mugs you got with the project launch.

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Kira said...

Yes, this method works. Listen to Uncle Hof. That's all I'm sayin'.

 
At 11:45 PM, Blogger WordWhiz said...

Yeah...what Kira said!

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Melina said...

This actually truly titled the "Melina Method"...but if you want to call it a blowjob ambush, so be it ;)

 

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