*He fights Nazis too

*How do you measure

*The hacks

*Midgets are funny too

*The collective human experience

*We want


*Of all time

*I then revealed

*Check your ticket

1. I ask you to do one effing thing
2. Did you?
3. The socks betray him
4. There will be none of that
5. Leave notes in his shirt pocket
6. Trained in the gentle art
7. Put me in coach
8. Our species may, in fact, survive
9.Swarm Swarm
10.During the wooing
11.BUT not private enough
12.The bottomless appetite
13.The first time we forget
14.This is a nice litmus test
15.To get the ball rolling
16.She invited you back to her place for coffee
17.Mary Magdalene or Eva Braun
18.It will only smell and make you queasy

   Sunday, July 16, 2006

Not be so bad anymore

Want to know a few good things about cancer?

There is nobody to blame for it coming. It just comes and takes what it wants.

You know there is nothing the person you love can do different to suddenly recover and come back from cancer. They have to wait and hope forces outside them can make them better.... they can't make themselves better by changing the choices they are making in their lives. They are blameless and just as helpless as you feel.

You never feel anger at them for getting cancer. You feel sad, you feel helpless and you feel unbelievable emptiness when they go. You never feel angry that they let themselves get cancer.... you never blame them.

You know how the cancer story ends. You don't spend hours trying to figure out what would happen if the one you love does "A" if they will get better. What if they do "B"? Will they get better? You never find yourself coming up with plans A through Z and none of them seem to end well. With cancer it does not end well BUT you never get your hopes up by spending hours coming up with plans A through Z.

I lost my mother to cancer and never thought I would feel it was not the hardest way to lose someone. When I lost her, I thought it was the worst. In the last decade I've learned it is not the worst way to lose someone.

I'm finding cancer to not be so bad anymore. There are much worse ways to lose the ones you love... right in front of your very eyes.

there are 6 doodles

At 3:00 PM, Blogger VegasGustan said...

I am a little confused by this post. You know that I nearly lost my mom to cancer too. Hmm, really confused.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Dragonfly said...

I lost my best friend to cancer and I found strength in the way she lived her life before she passed...

but saying that cancer isn't that bad anymore??? I don't know... I think the way we precieve a diagnosis and treatment has changed.
suffering is still suffering regardless of how you look at it.

At 2:50 PM, Blogger hofzinser said...

After time I was able to find the lining to losing my mother to cancer.

In the 10 years since she's passed I am now realizing that there are worse ways to lose loved ones.

I am learning that from experience.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger Dragonfly said...

OK - I see.. and I agree, it's what we take from the experience of loss that isn't so bad.
Now it makes sense.

And there are always worse ways of going.. at least with cancer you have the ability to stand up and fight and live for a day, a week, a month and enjoy the time that you have.

At 2:35 AM, Blogger VegasGustan said...

That does make more since Hof, thank you for the clarification.

At 3:12 PM, Anonymous lizzy said...

guess the world doesn't know your reasoning behind "worse ways" to lose someone. this post breaks my heart for many reasons, all of which you already know.


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